What I have learned in my one year of marriage

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I have been married for a year now. The days have gone by so quickly, it feels like Waturi and I walked down that aisle and said “I do” to each other only a month ago. There are many things that I have learned in my rookie tenure as a married man. I will share them with you. Hopefully it will encourage, teach and inspire a few souls reading this.

  1. You win before you start

I’ve learnt that marriage is the only institution where you get your certificate before you complete the course. Many drop out along the way but even a potential divorce does not stop the officiator from giving out a license when couples say “I do.” With this in mind, I discover that my marriage has what it needs to make it until the “till-death-do-us-part” finish line.

  1. Saying your vows is not important

Wedding_Waturi_Ernest_1352Saying your vows is not as important as doing them. Making a promise to be faithful for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad times does not make you capable; it makes you accountable. Speaking a promise does not give you the ability to do it. I have learnt that I still have to keep my eyes off other women. I have learnt that being married does not guarantee that I will be happy all the time. I have to choose to speak lovingly even when I am unhappy. I have to choose to be home early even if the meeting with my pal is going great and I haven’t seen him in a while. My wife is my priority before my own parents, family and closest friends. It doesn’t happen automatically, I choose to make it so.

  1. Lust does not respect my marriage

I had a false notion that if I got married, every threat of lust would flee my life. Not true. I have found myself to be very careful around the opposite sex. I still have to be clear about sexual boundaries. For some strange reason, it seems that ladies find a married man more appealing (I could be wrong). I have learnt by God’s grace not to entertain their admiration, and if I must allow their admiration, it should be done with a thank-you 10 feet away. It cannot be done with a hug, a kiss, a rub, an embrace or a lets-catch-up-for-coffee. Every married man has a lot of potential to welcome lust in their marriage. Lust does not respect my marriage, I have no reason to respect it. 1 Corinthians 10:12 “So if you think you are standing, be careful that you do not fall.”

  1. Divorce is not for deviants

In my quiet time recently on a Tuesday, I asked the Lord what to pray about concerning my marriage. Tuesdays are when I commit my marriage to God. In a conviction, He impressed upon my heart to pray against divorce. I was shocked because I believed that Waturi and I were nowhere in that direction. I called my wife and we prayed about it. She too was surprised when I asked God to protect us from it. Before she asked me why I prayed it, the Lord impressed in her heart the answer: “Thanks for praying about that Ernest. It is not automatic that our marriage will work out. We need God to hold us together.” Well-meaning men and women can labour all their efforts and still end up in a divorce. I have understood that Christ has a power to hold my marriage together, not my experience.

Colossians 1:17 “He is before all things and in him all things hold together.”

  1. Marry your friend!

I have no idea what I would do in our home if Waturi was not my friend. Our friendship has deepened! Wedding_Waturi_Ernest_1526You don’t lose your friend when you marry them; you gain them more. Waturi and I enjoy hanging out together. She and I have more fun together than when she is hanging out with the girls and more than when I am hanging out with my boys. In fact, on our anniversary date, after a day well spent in a fine restaurant and having her favourite dessert, we ended it at home in conversation and I recall her saying, “Wow! This is the life.” Because she is my friend, making a choice between football Fridays with the boys and movie nights with her is a no brainer. The wife wins! I have also seen that my male friends respect my wife when I choose her over them. They realize that I honour her therefore she must be honourable. As Timothy Keller says, “Adam was not lonely because he was imperfect. Adam was lonely because he was perfect.” A friend, every man does need.

  1. It pays to lose

My marriage has had great days when I have decided to lose. How? I have decided that our agreements are guidelines and not contracts. Our agreement that she does the house cleaning is not a contract that binds her; it is a guideline that helps allocate responsibility when things go wrong. Once my wife was away for a day in the weekend. I knew she would be stressed to return to find a home with dust and dirty shoes. She definitely wouldn’t be looking forward to 4 hours of cleaning. So I cleaned the entire house (except the shoes). When she returned, she was speechless! She almost cried because I took up her responsibility. I don’t see our roles as win-lose options when they are not fulfilled. I see them as either lose-lose or as win-win. It’s a lose-lose if the house is dirty because we both live in it. It’s a win-win if the house is clean because we both live in it.

  1. You make mistakes

Waturi and I have made mistakes in the past one year. God has been faithful to show them to us each time in our private quiet times and in our dates and discussions. There are times I should not have picked that phone call late in the night. There are times she should not have listened to wrong advisers. There are times that I should have helped her around. There are times we should have placed boundaries with other men and women who may not respect the marriage. And as you make these mistakes, a teachable spirit will stop you from making them twice.

  1. I work harder

Wedding_Waturi_Ernest_1489Marriage, contrary to popular belief, has taught me to work harder. I have been more inspired to physically look good to my wife so I exercise my body each morning. I do an extra task to earn an extra note to take her on an extra date. I wake up an hour earlier some weekends to surprise her with breakfast that I cooked. I am aware that any girl can be pleased with these things and so must my wife. Marriage isn’t the end of doing these things that make a girl blush. Marriage is the start of it! When other ladies envy what my wife has, I know I am in the right direction. My ambition to work is driven by the desire to see her fulfilled, to honour Christ and to make her the most loved and envied and in doing so be an example to other men. I have learnt that my desire to serve her is more important than my need to be served.

  1. Men must lead

I have been given a helper. She cannot help if there is nothing to help in. Turi has been a strong support when I published my first novel, The Human Temple. She was been a strong support as I published the second Lust and the City. She has been a support when I began our evening Bible devotions. She has been a support when I allocate our monies, tithes and wealth. She has been a support at best where I lead. I therefore allocate her duties but I take full responsibility for whatever initiative the family plunges in successfully or unsuccessfully.

  1. Our marriage is not for us

Wedding_Waturi_Ernest_1477The marriage we have is not selfishly for us alone. God has clearly in the past one year brought people who are going through what we did i.e. courtship and dating. These people have struggled with things Waturi and I struggled with while we dated. We became vulnerable with our lives and we have seen God use our stories to heal people who are caught in addictions, sexual struggles, unforgiveness, lack of devotion to God and many more symptoms. We have realized that God is using us “for such a time as this” to inspire a hopeless soul that the first year is not a bad year, to strengthen a weary soul to wait for sex until marriage, to establish a confused soul to love the Lord more than their boyfriend, to listen to a broken heart that just needs to be listened to even when we don’t have a solution.

 

So one year down… probably 70 more to go and we’re looking forward to every hour of it!

 

Comments

Ernest Wamboye is a disciple of Jesus Christ, a husband, a father, an author and a speaker. He has been married to the lovely Waturi since September 2012. They have a passion for youth ministry. Together they minister to young adults on the gospel and pre-marital relationships. Ernest has authored two books, The Human Temple, a novel, and Lust and the City- a guide on sexual purity.

Discussion316 Comments

    • Very well said, this is a motivation article especially to me and my huby,, after ticking 1 year the other day… thanks for such an inspiration knowing that in society today, marriage is least respected institution. But this is so timely to the youth with the symptoms of not waiting for sex until they marry.

      I wish I can read more of this story on your 2nd anniversary.

    • AWWWWWWW, How sweet of you to share your story. Congratulations by the way! so This is really encouraging to those that look forward to marriage and also to those that dont believe in marriage at all. Am glad That God has brought you this far. Be blessed

  1. This is such a great piece!!
    When the world is busy convincing that marriage doesn't work, As children of God we should be positive and believe his report.
    May you be blessed with so many more years ahead.

  2. Great article. You have blessed many with article. May you please give credit to where you have received some of your principles from e.g. Dr. Gary Smalley etc…

    • Wow! I'm not sure I have borrowed any principles from Gary. If there are any, it's pure coincidence. I have just derived my life lessons and explained them as best as I could. Any similarity with any person's life is purely coincidental.

  3. This family!…Now I know the true meaning of a marriage better than the wedding.You guys are an inspiration.God has placed this wisdom in you that it may trickle down to us who are young and crawling hoping to stand, walk and run someday.I thank God for you.

    Phil Makini.

  4. Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! You have turned to God, the inspire and creator of marriages, proving that godly marriages are possible. May God keep you strong. May God grant me the desires of my heart for a godly man!

  5. QT …. How in Christ all things hold together… Loved that part.. I have learnt the importance of spending time with God even at my singleness, for me am sowing a seed for when I say I do.. Am trusting God for a spiritual leader in a husband..

  6. Av seen the two of you through campus though i dint say a word but you people are wonderful and this is an inspiring write up. All the best and wish you even more happier times under the guidance of the LORD. I hope to live like you.

  7. OH my God am speechless :'( this is beyond what one could imagine THIS IS TOO BEAUTIFUL … I even pictured myself with my soon to be hubby and am like THIS IS WHAT I WANT 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  8. Happy one year anniversary and 70+ more to come…
    This line is worth some reflection on my part, "I have learnt that my desire to serve her is more important than my need to be served." Its in the nature of Love to give and serve, and when my time comes, I pray to God that I will honour this very truth. Thank your for sharing your story and the lessons God is constantly teaching you. Baraka.

  9. The one thing i have learned about marriage , is that it refines the individuals, Thank God that both of you have accepted to be vulnerable; therefore the refining is going on well!!

  10. I am happy for you two praising God for what He has done in your lives. Am also praying that when my one year of marriage is over which is very soon, i will be able to come out with such Glory,advice,teaching etc for the Glory of God. Shalom

  11. All i can say is a big WOW. I am WOWED not just by a neatly written piece, but by a great testimony of what it means to submit one to another and to serve one another in marriage. Ernest and Waturi, may the good LORD bless your union in ways that will astound you and those who see or get to hear of it. May the LORD continue to use you to reach out to others who need faith or healing in their marriages. May you continues to be obedient, faithful and teachable from the LORD. I have really enjoyed reading this piece.

  12. Thanks for this inspirational article. i have always had fear in my heart whenever i hear friends talking negative about marriage, But you have really given me hope that indeed, it can work. i believe that one day, when I SAY I DO, i will remember your words Earnest. God bless you!

  13. Absolutely love this article! All men need to hear this and women too. I pray that your marriage will be continually blessed even as you share your lives with those God leads you to. Thank you for sharing this and being candid while doing it!

  14. WOW! Bumped onto this on a friend's profile and I can say this is God's doing. I am about to get there and this is what I want and even more. Wishing you all the best!

  15. This is truly amazing…and to give God glory, and trust in Him always,is the best decision you and Waturi made. May your marriage be blessed, always. I admire you two, and pray that in his own timing, God gives me a God-fearing man, that values the institution of marriage, like you do.

  16. Happy anniversary Ernest and Turi…..I love your objective thinking and the clear lenses you have used to look at marriage it is very encouraging.

    As I prapare to walk down the aisle in a month's time and after be a married lady am encouraged and yearn more to serve my husband than cultivating the desire to be served.

    To God be the glory from whom every good and perfect gift comes from.

  17. Ernest n Waturi, just as you have opened up your lives to be used as vessels by I AM to bring restoration, hope, encouragement and a positive change of attitude, I pray that God enriches your union/ friendship in a manner like never before. The good thing about being his vessel is that he leaves you better than before every time coz he s the best steward of whatever he uses.
    I'm blessed by this piece and look forward to more.

    Njeru Life.
    B)

  18. Exactly what i would like to reflect upon when i hit the one year mark with my future life partner. Ernest keep up the good work God is definitely using you to bless the married and the single's. Thanks 🙂

  19. im not married yet but this is quite inspiring. i thank God for vessels like you and your wife who have gone ahead and can be an example to us.

  20. Earnest and Waturi Happy Anniversary You Guys are such an inspiration and I Have found your testimony as one of the most informative pieces I have read. Keep it man and again Congratulations on Keeping the flame going

  21. This being the first time i'm reading your blog, I have to admit that i'm inspired.Great read Ernest keep up the good work and all the best to Waturi and you.God bless you two..

  22. This is an inspiring article. Surely God is speaking through you and may you continue to honour and listen to his voice. Happy anniversary Ernest and Turi.

  23. I love all the points but 2nd last and last points are my favorite!! The man is the head and marriage is not for the couple alone but for the Kingdom!! God bless you and your beautiful wife!!!!

  24. Amazing. Ernest and Waturi, this is truly inspiring! I remember thinking "Wow! they got married? Aren't they too young" and boy was I wrong. You are absolutely right for each other and it happened at the absolutely right time. I sincerely wish you all the love and light and God's favour in your home.

    Happy Anniversary! I can NOT wait to read your 70th anniversary post. 🙂

  25. This is indeed inspiring. You've brought it out do well. May your marriage continue being an inspiration especially now when divorce is rampant. May the Lord guide you accordingly

  26. Marriage the way God intended it to be. A gift that maketh rich (not necessarily financially but the joy, love, peace that comes with it) and addeth no sorrow (inspite and despite the ups and downs of life). Makes me long for that life-long friendship…so help me God 🙂

  27. thank you for sharing this and for remind the world that marriages do work; it only needs two willing parties working towards a common goal. and on the divorce prayer item, may the Lord always be the third strand in the chord of our marriages and relationships.Happy first anniversary and God's blessings for the rest of the journey!

  28. Onward sir, the best example you can be is a true reflection of Christ living. A very good and inspiring read. Let the world see that truly, there are virtuous christian men out there, not perfect but being perfected daily in their marriages through Jesus

  29. This is just so inspiring, especially for those of us who are not yet married but striving to walk in faith and purity until when our times come. It is people and relationships like yours that strengthen us to walk the walk, knowing that it is possible, and 2- we are not alone. You are a blessing.

  30. Ernest,You are God sent.I am getting married next year.I am praying that God makes me the perfect wife for my husband to be.I want to honor God and him in the marriage to come.It is an inspiration to read what God has taught you in your one year of marriage.May He fill you with wisdom and love that you may keep representing Him in this World that doesnt believe in long lasting marriage.God bless you and your wife.

  31. Amazing piece Ernest.Congratulations on your 1st year anniversary.Loving the lessons and can't wait to also do a piece on the same when I get there someday soon.Baraka tele!

  32. Inspiring story may God bless your union…… my hus
    band n i we will celebrating too our 1st anniversary next week and our motto as been "family that pray together stick together.

  33. Nice read , you may not remember me but i was in ruwenzori cube 8 a form 1 when you were a third, i used to look up to your christian steadfastness, im glad you are happily married for i am in the deep single waters, brother you have given me something to look forward to, and not these meaningless sexual encounters glorified by the world

  34. amazing to say the least… so many things we take for granted, so small yet, so Major in making the wheels of marriage work! Happy Anniversary to you both!

  35. Wow i am so humbled and honored to be reading this at a time like this. Brother Ernest i would say that you made a choice to love sister Turi.and that has made all things clear to both of you. my Pastor says love is a choice and we dont marry the person we love but we marry the person we will love… now you writing has made me understand this with a new relevation that will be of help when i start the journey on the same road. thank you for being a vessal of honor unto our Lord. God bless you.

  36. i love this Testimony,my own Ernest is a man of his kind…soo loving and caring…I am a quite emotional one…sometimes I hurt him…He has patiently taught me the value of grace.Thanks and God bless your marriage.

  37. When I started to read this, I thought that it was a woman who wrote it and to my pleasant surprise, it was a guy. How refreshing and insightful. I am truly inspired by this and as a married woman, 1yr and a bit on, I will continue to look for ways to make my marriage work for the both of us.

  38. very important aspect that i keep talking about to him but he seems to be so carried away by lust from other women, and i had to make a choice of leaving to find my happiness and a friend too

  39. Nice to hear that there are still some pple who are optimistic about marriage. All da best….
    Im just not that optimistic from my experinece

  40. Lovely piece . I think you have basically touched on every point in marriage love., respect, God being the pillar in each marriage. Look forward to reading more articles from.so sharing this with my husband. Thank you Earnest. Gob bless you more and more

  41. …may the Lord God Almighty continue to use you touch generations to come and may you always remember that your family is your foremost and first ministry……bles u

  42. Ernest I ain't married, not even close to being married yet but I love the last paragraph of your write up. Thanks for the reminder that lust doesn't respect marriage especially in light of some responses I heard on classic radio this morning, we have totally lost the only meaning of marriage as prescribed by God, thanks for being one among the many men to try and end this trend of madness and meaningless marriages

  43. A good read Ernest. I wish you could write about your mum she raised a boy to a man such as yourself, the above is testimony all the best to you and waturi may you find happiness in each other always..

  44. Wao! great stuff for every couple regardless how long they have been married! I have been married close to 9 years, we practice most of these principles and they keep our marriage glowing, another thing is that your partner should be your prayer partner as well, sharing and praying over challenges at work, school, church and your father's family together. God hates divorce or separation, yes it is good to cover your marriage always and guard what God has given you.

    May the Lord increase your marriage in ways you never imagined. God bless. And Lamar, thanx for posting this, bless you gracious gal! we miss you!

  45. This is so inspiring. Keep it up as you touch peoples life in marriage. You are blessed with Turi. May the good Lord give you wisdom and knowledge to touch many more young couple.

    Let young couple know that you choice how you want your marriage to be. If you want happiness or sadness in your marriage that a choice you have made….

    Am so happy for you and Turi
    Warm Regards,

    Cecilia Uvyu

  46. This is super awesome Ernest. Just as I said before You and Turi have been a really great inspiration even from way before. May the Almighty Lord continue blessing your marriage and may u continue touching the lives of many with your story. Am sure There are many more to come…
    Thanx and Regards,
    Lauryne Mutai

  47. Ernest, you are such an inspiration to many young men seeking to take that course in life.You are truly led of the Lord,keep at it and you'll soar higher.A man who knows his role and confident of his position is attractive. Waturi is lucky!

  48. Marriage works, but it is work. Just like God worked and brought about a wonderful creation which was "good". Ernest, you write well… Loved it, God bless.

  49. As long as the Lord is your strength, you will honour your vows to each other, the day you quit(God forbid), that will be the end. To all out there, make God the connerstone of your marriage and it will last!

  50. Hi, Surely admire you and May God Continue to bless you. What do you do in a marriage barely one year there is alot of mistrust, inlaws mendling in and Children from outside and the only option is to let go ad move on.

  51. You may perhaps feel driven to update it for example After 10 years of Marrige and see if and or how your perceptioon has changed

  52. I love the Photo on No. 7 very creative setup. All the best in your marriage, I am glad you appreciate the value of God in your marriage. Bravo. -Tony

  53. Thank you very much for strengthening us in our marriages….. Atleast i have hope that me and hubby will make it if we trust God…… Thank you

  54. This is truly inspiring and enriching. God is using you fro a greater purpose, for the married , dating and single. Our purpose is not found in money, material things, self glory, comfort ets but in how many people we touch out there, how many we guide back to the light. You are Blessed and may God grant you and your wife many more years 70+ :-)to share love, good lessons, guidance and above all Gods Grace and Mercies in your lives. Thanks you. In God's Love. NW

  55. Hi Ernest & Turi,
    This is such an amazing and inspirational piece. We do not know each other but for sure, God's got great stuff up His sleeves for you two for the marrieds…Keep it Jesus!!
    Happy anniversary

    Wageni Wambaa

  56. I have read this article on a day that I walk up at 4.00am to very bad fight with my wife. REASON: we do it the opposite way from how you have just said you do it. Thanks for blessing my day and inspiring my Marriage.

  57. A wonderfully written piece. I love it (and may use it in future…I hope I have your permission…I promise to acknowledge :-)). The testimony is incredible and I say yes! Year 1 doesn't have to be hellish. Keep God at the center and He will steer it.

  58. Charlie (as we always call close friends in Ghana) …this is a real masterpiece that had been sent to me by my lovely kenyan fiancee..Anne…I love it…may the sweet Lord strenghten your home as you move to 70 years…cheers bro…Fafa

  59. am totally challenged and by God's grace my desire is to be the best for my wife even though am still trusting God for her wherever she is. You are a blessing and may the Lord bless your marriage.

  60. rich insights right thea, i have learnt alot,i am trusting God for a spouse.

    Happy marriage is my wish to u. keep writing………u are a blessing to many

  61. I am only 20 now, still in school and hoping for a better future..everyone at my age wishes for the same. While reading this however, i had a change of mind about marriage. I am one person who fears marriage (not anymore), i know that i ain't alone in this (fear) bracket, but after reading this article i have realized that God cannot give you something you don't deserve. He gives you something/someone that you can handle, someone who you'll live a life with, who'll accept you and through your lives, God will be there…as he has been for Ernest and his family. I am blessed by this post and i am hoping too for a better life ahead.

    P.S, I will be in school for the next 4 years…don't judge! 🙂

  62. It was only until 1 week ago that i could not stand the sight of men. I had so much hatred that i would actually feel like throwing up when one tried to approach me and ask me on a date or tried to flirt with me. Not until i prayed and let God take my burden that i felt relieved.I have been in non-God-centered relationships that completely broke me. And that is why i think i have never got what i have been looking for. When i came across your article, i have so much hope, and am not afraid to say that i want a God fearing man……PERIOD!!!!Thank u for the rejuvination…came at a perfect time. GOD BLESS.

  63. beautiful work Ernest!may GOD continue to bless your family u guys are a good example to the rest of the newly married couples

  64. My friend, this is truly amazing. You have really inspired me. I enjoy your analysis, poise, and the way you bring closer issues pertinent to youth, oh..I truly enjoyed it. And will take up the challenge soon. I pray for you and your wife. God bless you always Ernest!

  65. WOW…That God is your center, that you are showing marriage in a positive light, that you are 'helping' others through their issues/struggles… we are praying for your marriage, as you bring glory to The Most High God, may He uphold you both with His right hand!
    Thanks for this!

  66. This is beautiful and inspiring, especially to me, as I'm single and really looking forward to being in a God driven marriage though everyone around me is telling me it won't work out. Thank you n may God bless you and waturi immensely in your life together 🙂

  67. Great job on your blog,keep them coming for the glory of the creator of marriage,Jesus Chris of Nazareth,son of GOD and GOD himself.
    my favor part:"lust doesn't respect your marriage".my husband and I have been married for 6 years,we have been apart for the past 2 years for immigration reasons,and this was the first lesson we learn from GOD,lust doesn't respect neither of us,but by the grace of Jesus we are still standing on his ground,schamma.

    Nadine o Mbilia

  68. Hey Ernest. This is quite inspiring. I think as Christians, this is how we should perceive marriage. I'm inspired by your words and I myself would like God to reveal to me that right person, friend, lover who shall love Him first and put Him first. Only then will I know we are headed in the right direction. May God continue to bless others through your marriage and may he continue to improve this gift of writing that you have. Regards to both you and Waturi.

  69. Thank you Ernest. You & yours are truly blessed to have each other. I am one of those girls who didn't dream of THE dress or a wedding, but the Lord has been gracious to me and given me a man who is making me dream ((but with the sometimes tough discussions on expectations and needs (including the crazy one on how to engage with the off-beat friends we've known as singletons :p ) once we cross over))….

    Its encouraging to see that on the other side, it is possible to pray,bless each other AND GIVE, to stay committed.

    God bless you.

  70. This is amazing Ernest. and its a good thing to instill in oneself, even those who are not marriage. Getting the idea to practice some of those things, like "surprise breakfast", "allocating responsibilities", "win-win situation" are great to have a lasting and fullfilling marriage. and i agree with you completely, your wife should not only be your wife, but she should be your friend, moreover; your best friend.
    This amazing, continue writing more like this…

  71. Nd is it my web browser or your google plus profile says you are still engaged…. You HAPPILY married brother… Change it… Lol… Happy one year, nd many more to come for you and You better half….

  72. This is amazing….for the last one month I have read and interacted with articles that speak the same …I clearly know that marriage works and there are people we share values and this inspiring.
    In about 11 or so months I'll be committing to the same and I'm learning from your rich experience.

  73. Good read! I like how your journery is unfolding. I have leant a few lessons too. Your Number 4 is now on my to do list for sure. God keep you and bless you and yours in this journey.

  74. Beautiful piece! Allow me to ask Ernest, how exactly did you know that Waturi was the one for you and that you two were meant for each other? I'm a young soul hoping to get a partner in the near future and the last thing i'd want to do is get into a marriage that God doesn't approve of

    • When you look for THE ONE, you may never find them. Instead, look for the RIGHT one. You could marry anyone by the way. I strongly believe for a follower of Christ that the other person must be a mature believer, your very close friend and someone whose qualities (especially of character) attract you/ cause them to be attractive to you. However, the list of what to find isn't exhaustive. What I advocate for instead is on focusing on BEING the RIGHT one as opposed to LOOKING for the perfect person to fit you for a relationship. The problem with the latter is that if you do find them, you will not be ready for them.

  75. may the Lord bless and cover your marriage. Indeed God is the author of marriage and in him everything holds together. may prayer and the sword remain a part of your lives now and always, in Jesus name. baraka!

  76. This is beautiful. Many couples look forward to weddings and getting married and a year later they cannot stand each other. The secret of incorporating God first in your relationship is one all couples should adopt. This is a great inspiration to young people.

  77. Wow. Beautifully honest. This has really touched me. I have even saved it as a constant reference; a guide to my soon to be marriage. I am young but still hope to be married. I respect and desire that union. I love my girlfriend and hope to one day make her my wife. I use each day as a rehearsal to when we are united under God and the church well that is if I am worthy.
    Thank you so so much for writting this. Be very blessed in your marriage

  78. This is such a great read,,,and may the Lord God increase you in all aspects. I can bear witness that marriage is not easy if we lean on our own understanding and strength. May we always learn to let go and let God.

  79. every story am reading is a testimony of victory n God's amazing grace..reading such encourages me that marriage life is actually not that difficult…i know there is a great blessing in waiting to hv sex after marriage bt uv affirmed t..thnx God bless and keep encouraging us n true to t.."God has put you in this generation for a time as this"

  80. Oh my word. This is just an inspiring article. I am not yet married but my hope has been renewed in reading this article that there are good men out there. Please keep writing, may God bless you and your wife. May you continue being a blessing to her. My eyes have indeed been opened.

  81. Great piece.What is your opinion on a 50-50 partnership though? Because I see you mentioned something about "taking the lead" and "allocating duties". With feminism on the rise and whatnot, I would like to pick your brain on the subject.

  82. here is the thing i love love love the most about this article. the part on Divorce. sigh…sits down to pen this.

    after reading so many books and stuff about relationships. i would like to say that so many of them are 'well……. not apt. you see people neglect two things.

    1- the day Adam and eve sinned, the devil was told he would be biting them on their heel and they would be beating him to death. well forgive my wording but u get the point. Now here is the thing. GOD MEANT that the devil would constantly try and derail people and marriages by throwing conflict etc and that kind of thing.

    which brings me to my 2nd point
    #principalities and altars. SO SO SO many people forget the two stories in the bible.

    in the catholic bible in the book of tobit we see a young girl try and get married and every time a certain demon would kill all of her husbands on the wedding night,eventually the arc angel Raphael was dispatched to match make sarah to her husband Tobit and to slay the demon so that Tobit would live. Now here is the thing, the battle was never physical. How many people looking to get married
    #deal with altars before they get married? Dont look at me that way.This things are real and i had to realise the hard way .how many of your parents got divorced and u took it as ''well it didnt work out''. sometimes BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD MARRIAGES and spending all the time in the world together wont make u immune-only prayer and fasting will break those negative generational altars and restore to you what is yours and magnetise what is urs also (urs here means spouse 🙂

    lastly here is the thing, dont marry someone who isnt Gods will. take time to ask God.Just because u broke up doesnt mean he or she isnt the one. Maybe you had altars u needed to deal with like so many people i know.IF YOU dont understand please read the book '9 mistakes singles make by elisha goodman'. its actually a report ( a short one chapter extract) and even has a 21 day prayer proggrame to deal with negative altars. it will restore to you whats urs or draw to you what is.

    lastly live right. Live in the right path. live safe. live straight. that way God is going to find you living right when its time to bless you.

    finding a marriage partner isnt about time,its about Godliness and not the tyranny of numbers. read the book and see. it helped me learn alot.

  83. I pray for you and your wife, may he strengthen you to keep doing what you are doing. Your articles are pretty encouraging

  84. I am no longer so scared of marriage after going through your blog for a while. I believe it's a good thing.. If we pray and wait upon God for the right partner in marriage. Be blessed!

  85. the only thing i have ever heard about the 1st year in marriage is that it is HARDEST. i have not seen that in here and that is truly inspiring since it has made look at it in a more positive perception.the one that caught my attention was that the marriage vows does not make one capable it makes one accountable. truly blessed by this!!!

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