How did you know she is the one?

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I get asked this question severally by my dating friends. Ernest, you married Waturi but how did you know she was the one? How do you know you did not marry the wrong one? What if the one is out there and you missed her? If you get a divorce doesn’t that mean she was not the one? If you argue and fight doesn’t that mean he/she is not the one? How can the one act like that? I don’t feel the fire in the relationship anymore; I don’t think he is the one? Before I go on, let me just mention that this blog post will be highly controversial for many people and it needs keen reading. You have been warned. Continue reading all ye that dare risk an offended ego.

If there is one thing that I have learnt over the years (though I still have much to learn) is that good premises build good arguments. False premises produce rumours, fallacies and deception. What does that have to do with “the one”? Everything. Over the years, as a follower of Jesus Christ, I have seen His words to be true and dependable premises to all that concerns my life- my relationships, my money, my sexuality, my attitudes, my career. Literally everything! I have also seen that for the times I have trashed God’s word concerning a certain area of my life, I have failed terribly or I have not succeeded as much as I could have. In light of this, Beloved, I have learnt to build all my premises on the Word of God- the Bible. I have seen that when I spend time in the Word, I truly understand what God expects of me, even if the passage is a bunch on names of sons, daughters and descendants. With time, the person who submits to the authority of scripture, makes good decisions and has lasting good results of their decisions because their premises were informed biblically. I say all that to say this: the idea of “the one” is a bad premise. To sound a bit brash to some who still don’t understand me, this is it: there is no such thing as “the one.” Boom! I said it! This is the cutting edge. This is the challenge of status quo. This is the breaking point of the current mindset concerning relationships. This is it: there is no such thing as the one. I said it again.  Double boom! You don’t need a triple boom to understand what I am saying. The issue of finding “the one” is as real as Shrek and Fiona’s marriage- lots of laughter and a talking donkey with bad advice. That proverbial donkey may be your elder sister who is still looking for the one. Let’s face it, she shouldn’t be talking without anything to show. I say so because when I was single I had all the advice on how to handle relationships but when the rubber meets the road, I realised I was very immature; you need advice from someone who has been there. Not that I have made it in or that I am an expert at this- no. I’m no expert, but I believe that even a King can learn a few tricks from a peasant. Consider me your peasant blogger for the day concerning “the one”.

The reason our culture is obsessed about finding “the one” is because we have idolized emotions over commitment. We are desperate for relationships with a subtle pride that says we will find true love apart from God. In fact, many of you may even believe that God and romance don’t mix well. You’re wrong. This is as far as some of you will choose to read because that last part pinched a few nerves. Wait, there is no such thing as “the one”. Ernest, you have made Penstrokes the official cult blog of the year. Listen, Beloved. Our convictions in life can be genuine but they can be genuinely wrong. If you are a believer, you know that the only thing worse than changing the truths of the scriptures is adding to the scriptures. Either way, we make God say what He does not say. At times, we take our life experiences and conform Biblical contexts to fit in them and then we call it God’s will. It’s wrong, Beloved. Here is an example of what that looks like. A believer begins to date an unbeliever. The unbeliever comes to Christ and they get married. Awesome, right? The believer states that because the unbeliever came to Christ and that they got married and that they live happily, it is God’s will for believers to date unbelievers. When you mention a scripture like 2nd Corinthians 6:14 that overtly is against such a relationship, the believer may get angry and say, “But it worked for us. There is nothing wrong.” It is hard to argue with a man who has had experience, even if it means experience doing the wrong thing and things turn out all right. But we don’t realize that we live in a fickle world where bad guys can escape and good guys go to jail. We live in a world where nothing is constant. We would be genuine if we say it worked for us. But we would be genuinely wrong to say it was God’s will so it must work for everybody. Our experiences can never trample God’s word. I wouldn’t advise everyone to marry at age 22 just because I did. My example is not the template for relationships. Some marry at 40 at are still very happy, Beloved. Christians, especially, need to absorb this. When it comes to relationships, Beloved, the issue about “the one” is a bad premise. It doesn’t matter if “the ones” have been married for 60 years; if their convictions are not in line with God’s word, it is merely their experience- not the truth.

So, Ernest are you saying that people who thought they found “the one” and became happy are living false lives? No. Far be it from me that I should say that. This is what I’m saying: that God is his mercy has seen it fit to take our good, bad, wise and unwise decisions to turn them for our good, especially for the follower of Christ. He says in Romans 8:28 that all things work for good for those that love the Lord and are called unto his purpose. That means that Ernest can make a wrong choice concerning who to marry but it doesn’t paralyze God. God can turn a marriage that isn’t working to be the example for all of us to follow! The moment Ernest makes that choice (good or bad) God can turn it out for the better if invited. No married person should feel discouraged and cheated in life because they did not marry “the one”. You may say, “Well Ernest, that’s just great! Are you implying that it doesn’t matter who we marry, God will just fix it?” Nope, that would be awfully foolish. You don’t cross the road without checking for vehicles then state that the doctor will just cure you in hospital. If you make the wrong decisions concerning the persons you date, court and marry, you will be hit by the cars while you cross the road. Will God heal you? Yes if you ask Him, but is it worth all the time, money and emotional strain at the doctor’s? At times, God has a knack for letting those wounds heal slowly so that we may learn to trust him before crossing the road of relationships and so that we may not go back to our vomit. Don’t ask God to bless what you have insisted on. Ask him to bless you then walk into his plan. Be careful if you insist that you know better concerning your relationships, you could cross the road and change trajectory to the morgue instead of the hospital. And the question they will all ask when you are trapped in that abusive relationship will be, “Couldn’t she just have checked the road before she crossed?” You need to marry the right person. You need to date and court the right person. But you don’t need to marry, court and date, “the one”. The idea of “the one” is a premise that is often based on Disney movies, people like Ernest in love on the first week of their relationship and mostly- an innate desire to be loved perfectly.

Our idea of finding the right person to date, court and marry (as believers) should be based on what the scriptures say and not what we see on movie screens. Of course there have been arguments that Rebekah was found for Isaac- she must have been the one. Joseph was chosen for Mary- he must have been the one. When you look at the Bible on one flip-side, you are likely to develop convictions based on what you believe not on what the Bible actually says. Consider the flip-side. David took a man’s wife. He slept with the wife. He got her pregnant. When he couldn’t cover the pregnancy, he decided to kill the man. He then took in the wife of that man and began to live with her. That woman he took was called Bathsheba and he murdered husband was called Uriah. Bathsheba ended up being the mother of Solomon. Was she “the one”? Bathsheba ended up being the reason Jesus Christ was born. So was she “the one”? Let’s look at a less gory story. Jacob loved Rachel. The Bible says Rachel was eye candy! It says her sister, Leah, was not. Jacob was tricked to marrying Leah instead of Rachel. However, eventually he married Rachel, whom he loved so much. However, when both wives died, Jacob buried Rachel near Bethlehem and buried Leah with his ancestors the patriarchs. When Jacob was about to die, he requested to be buried near one of the two wives. Guess who? Did he choose “the one” called Rachel? No. He chose to be buried next to Leah in the cave at Machpelah. Was Rachel “the one”? How come after Jacob finally marrying “the one” he had no rest. When he meets Pharaoh in Egypt he says to the King, “My days have been long and bitter.” How can your days be long and bitter when you had “the one”? High School Musical will make you believe there is “the one” and that you need to kiss them and sparks will fly. Your new dating friend will tell you to wait for the one because she has to look as physically beautiful as you have imagined her to be. And your innate desire to be loved deeply, which can only be found in having Christ, can fool you into thinking there is only one person in the whole world for you to marry. If my wife dies today (God forbid it greatly!) I may marry someone else! I will grieve and I will miss them badly, but by the grace of God, I will understand that death is a natural part of life and I will be compelled to move on. I am not waiting for my loved ones to die. I am not expecting their demise soon. However, when death does come (and it will eventually), we have to move on, however painful it may be. Some may say to move on is cold and brutal. To them I say, wake up, Beloved! What planet do you live on? The idea of the one is based often on feelings that trample the sacred commitment of marriage. People who think they found “the one” often see a better one months down the line. So you may say, “Ernest, this was the most unromantic blog you’ve ever written. Where is the happy ending?” Here it comes.

The right one and not the one

Believers should focus their energies not in finding “the one” but in find “the right one”. Looking for the right one simply means going with God’s requirements for a lover/partner. Consult Him. What does he want your marriage to look like? With whom will you grow? With whom will you live fulfilled? And most importantly, what does the Bible say? The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that the person must be united with you in the faith of Christ- not just in belief but in maturity. That’s point one. The Bible says in Leviticus 18:22 that the right one must be of the opposite sex. That is point two. The Bible says in 1st Corinthians 7:2 that the right one must choose to be monogamous and not polygamous (each man his own wife). That is another point. I am only scratching the surface of the scriptures here. The Bibles offers a lot, in terms of quality for a partner. These qualities are not idealistic. They are real and practical. Read more and see what the Bible has to say. Realise that the Bible gives us guidelines and we can make preferences within those guidelines. As long as they fit with what God says, I can choose to marry a white woman, a black woman or an Asian woman. I can fuss about her height but it does not primarily inform my choice. The important premise isn’t whether they have nice legs or not but whether they fit God’s description of a man of God or a woman of God. They may be tall, short, devastatingly cute or simply plain but they need to fit the right requirements for God’s plan for you. God has given you the free will and freedom to marry anyone- just let them be the right one. Some believers will pursue the tall, dark and handsome even if tall, dark and handsome beats them up silly- it’s immature, Beloved. Or tall, dark and handsome may be church-going so you believe that makes them qualify. Not necessarily. The more time you spend time in the word, the higher the chances you will date, court and marry the right one. “The one” insists on sexual compatibility; the right one insists on sexual purity. “The one” insists on being happy; the right one insists on serving. “The one” insists on worldliness; the right one insists on godliness. “The one” insists on dating to test and see if it works; the right one insists on dating with a purpose towards making it work for marriage. “The one” focuses on self; the right one focuses on the other. Date, court and marry the right one.

Be the one

If there is anything more important than finding the right person to marry it is BEING the right person to marry. Too many people are concerned about find the perfect person and too few people are concerned about being the right people. All we’re doing today is shopping for relationships instead of investing in them. Relationships are chiefly about giving. If you enter in a relationship with the intention of having a deep innate desire fulfilled or having a part of you completed, you will be heavily disappointed. Your partner, even if they fit God’s requirements cannot be your completion in this life or the after. They are, at the end of the day, humanity with flaws. You will date them for 2 years and when the feelings go you will say, they were not the one.” You will have a fight in your courtship and want to bail out because you believe they are not the one. You will have a tussle in your marriage and you will file for divorce because you possibly can’t believe that they are the one acting like that. The moment you said “I do” and made them your spouse they became the person for you. Why? Because God does not take pleasure in making rash promises on the altar. He says in Ecclesiastes 5:2 “Don’t make rash promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God. After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few.” God says in Malachi he hates divorce. I like what Proverbs 20:25 says: “Don’t trap yourself by making a rash promise to God and only later counting the cost.”

 

Don’t insist on marrying bad qualities to make them the one. It wont work. We said earlier that is not only foolish but it can also lead to a lifetime of pain- your perfect can be painful if you are stubborn. It could be a promiscuous wife who won’t stay at home. It could be a promiscuous husband who won’t stop drinking. If you focus on being the right person, you will attract the right person. Deep calls unto deep. Spend time in the Word, Beloved. Grow! Read books! Talk to mature men and women to ready your heart for a committed relationship not one based on fuzzy feelings that come and go. And also realise this: when you start to date and court and when you marry someone, you will ALWAYS see someone else with a better deal that what you have. Haha! I can see your eyes widening! Believe it. You’ve read this far, don’t quit. However, it will take maturity to know that your partner too sees other people better than you but chooses to stay with you. Now, that is undisney, unscripted, old school true love! And I can tell you, the best loves are those that commit before they feel mushy. You will always see a more patient man. You will always see a lady with smoother skin. You will always see a more charming gentleman. You will always see a lady with a gentler voice. Those things can be terrible premises for staring a relationship because they always change and people out there are always marketing their bodies and personalities to draw in relationships. Don’t fall in the net with the other fish. Do those characteristics matter? Yes they do, but only after the Biblical requirements are met. I love my wife’s gorgeous smile and beautiful face. But that wasn’t my decision to marry her. If her face was scarred today (God forbid) it will not change my commitment to her. But if your only fantasy premise for the relationship is destroyed, you will exit, Beloved, and you will hurt someone badly. A happily married man may have a plain wife but she is his best friend, best lover and best partner. Another may have the most beautiful partner and live in perpetual regret because they are unequally yoked.

I want you to consider Jesus Christ. He was the perfect groom without any flaws. He was rich, he had a big house in heaven with zillions of angels to attend to him. He had everything. He was to get a wife. He looked around and saw the potential wife called humanity. Humanity was promiscuous. Humanity was a liar, a con, foolish and very arrogant. Humanity had not even one good quality to make herself loveable. Yes Christ looked at you and I as the undesirable bride and still came on earth to court us. He didn’t have to choose us but he did even when we were at our worst. On the eve before his crucifixion, he sweated blood in the garden of Gethsemane, knowing that the marriage would destroy him- kill him. Still, he chose us. He saw our nefarious acts and still said he would marry us. He even asked his father if it was possible to stop the marriage and take the cup of suffering away from him. But according to the will of God (for your sake and mine) Christ took a bride who was not “the one” and died for her to give her life. Christ died so that you don’t have to, so don’t use this example as a premise to date a bad boy. That aside, this is the point. 2 Corinthians 9:8 “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor so that you through his poverty might become rich.” He made us the right one for Him. Be the right one until he returns.

So, how did I know Turi was the one? She was the right one. And the right one, once married, becomes the one, especially when love and submission come into play. And that, Beloved, (in the worlds of Saint Paul) is a mystery!

 

Comments

Ernest Wamboye is a disciple of Jesus Christ, a husband, a father, an author and a speaker. He has been married to the lovely Waturi since September 2012. They have a passion for youth ministry. Together they minister to young adults on the gospel and pre-marital relationships. Ernest has authored two books, The Human Temple, a novel, and Lust and the City- a guide on sexual purity.

Discussion84 Comments

  1. i have not even finished reading the post but i have just stopped at "there is no such thing as the one" BOOOM its so true dont get why people insist that there is just that one person in the world for you its a lie such a thing doesnt exsist ok back to reading 🙂

  2. On a scale of 1-10 of gratitude and appreciation, my level of gratitude would probably blow up the scale. Much appreciated.

  3. Why do you write with such righteousness as if you have never done anything wrong. Please humble yourself.

    • If I wrote in pride, I apologise and ask for your forgiveness. If I wrote in humility, I pray you see the truth in the message. I am human and have made many mistakes. I write from my own mistakes and from the wisdom of the word. Be blessed, Beloved, for no harm is meant at all.

  4. Ernest, such a great article. Great work. just wanted to encourage you to continue being yourself. remember you can't please E-v-e-r-y-o-n-e and ur nt called to do so. Instead you are called to please God!!

  5. Ernest,
    Thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts and your inspiration. It is not everyone that takes the time to bless others. Thank you for providing great insight and allowing the spirit of God to move in your life.

    Man is also prone to fall short and in no way am I saying you have fallen short or that you are wrong.

    Saying that you will marry someone else if your wife passed on is a bit too strong. The truth is sometimes hard to hear, but we remain man. With feelings and a certain tenderness. I think maybe that was too soon, if not for us, for her? Guard and respect her living thoughts and heart, that is your specific gift from God, so sacred and so rare. The tongue makes or breaks it destroys or restores. I am sure she supports your work unconditionally…but that is not the point.

    As far as the one is concerned, the definition changes everything. My understanding is that the one is the gift that God had in store for you knowing very well who He made you to be…if you were purposeful then nothing about fulfilling your purpose is accidental…especially when it has to do with the souls that God places in your journey. The one surely has to exist to mean the gift that God spoke and said should be in your life at a particular time. Otherwise we would all be a product of chance.

    I do get what you are saying: that we have to listen to what and who God says is right. That way our lives become so much easier and in line with our purpose.

    We do have to listen to and walk with God for our hearts and minds to be open to His gifts to us given with love.

    Surely your lovely wife was a gift spoken into your life at this particular time in life. When our desires become the desires that God has for us, then we arrive at the right time and at the right place.

    It is deep how you bring out that our mistakes are turned for the good for as long as we allow Him to.

    That is the face of a God full of grace, mercy and love.

    It is not by might nor by power that we live and succeed. It is by the power of the Holy Spirit.

    The one does exist Ernest, Hosea's story also says it all. What counts is how much we allow God's desires to be the desires of our heart. Then we receive or pursue His specific gifts for us.

    and funny enough our spirits do keep nudging us to move towards those gifts. The power of the Holy Spirit?

    • Thank you anonymous. I hear you. I agree with you when you say the definition changes everything. In light of that, we are on the same page and we agree. About moving on, it may have come on strong and I am sorry if it did. I meant no harm. I am not waiting for my loved ones to die so that I may move on. Nay! May I stand rebuked if I am. That point was to demonstrate that there must be a willingness to move on.

  6. Dear Ernest, I have no intention of discouraging you but please ponder upon these words. I notice you are not willing to accept correction. Saying you would marry again if your wife died was in bad taste, plain and simple. When this was pointed out you got defensive. I think it would be better to edit your post and do some soul searching. A man who truly loves his wife never moves on. That's the truth

    • Dude, life is real. It's not a fairy tale. You need to come to a place where you appreciate the realities of life. There is nothing wrong with saying someone would marry again if they lost their spouse. God's purpose is not held hostage by people. I agree with Ernest, moving on in life shows maturity. Don't blow this out of proportion

    • "A man who truly loves his wife never moves on." I'm sorry anonymous, but this sounds more fairy tale than Biblical. Our convictions should never replace the Word of God. Death is painful, Beloved. We don't long for it. We don't hope for it. But when it does come, we have to move on. Am I saying it is easy? No. I have lost loved ones. I wasn't ready to forget as soon as they died. They is a grieving process but it shouldn't stop me from moving on. Several scriptures tell us to hope again after the death of those who were in the Lord e.g. Isaiah 57. Thank you for your remarks. They are truly appreciated

      • I dont think there is anything wrong with moving on after a partner’s death, and at some point I also think it is a choice one must make to either marry or stay single. We can serve God as singles… if one wants to marry, that’s okay with them.
        It takes a certain level of security, maturity and truthfulness to say that. A lot of married couple would move on but can’t say it out loud, others will remain single for the rest of the lives, and aint none wrong with that, it might be their way of moving… the problem with your statement is that, not everyone will accept this reality out loud, I wouldn’t say anything like that, in my church I have been taught to water my words to accomodate the weak in faith so that i wont be a stumbling block to them. As Paul said if meat is an offense to my brother,I wont eat it so that I may gain Him to Christ

        As far as the article is concerned, it is intriguing and deep at the same time… what most of us who ain’t married think, is that marriage is perfect, and when we find “the one” as you mentioned, life is be like a latino romantic story movie… it is the same illusion that we have about the perfect life.

        Character is formed, God molds us and as long as we stay in His will He makes all things work together for our own good. With this being said, we still pay the consequences of our wrong choices and decisions.

        Thanks for sharing, your articles are blissful

    • Hey Anonymous,

      Get this right, I think on the pulpit before GOD, relatives and friends, there's a statement we always make "UNTIL DEATH DO US PART" kindly underline death and you'll understand after death you are no longer married to that person. It's not God's destiny that my life is held hostage…Reread and get the truth. anyway you are as well entitled to your opinion but get it right

    • Anonymous, please, understand that once the soul departs from the body, it is neither a man or woman. Jesus Himself explained when He was asked the question of a wife ownership after the resurrection of a woman who was married to seven brothers. It is my prayer you may encounter the power of Holy Spirit to guide you in the word of God.

  7. Thank you Ernest.
    The article is on point, am married and i know what you are saying is so true. I am married and i can affirm everything you have said.
    May the wisdom in this article save our young people out there.

  8. Ernest, this is an important message for many people out there looking for soul mates. I believe the central message lies in the distinction between those two persons: "the right one" and the mystical "the one". I have always believed, even if I was not a Christian, that the idea of one person singled out just for is utterly ridiculous! What if they don't like you? Would they still have to get stuck with you? Even from a purely rational basis, its ridiculous in many ways!
    I hope more people read this article.

    Bless you my church-mate and brother 🙂

  9. I love this article. confusing at first but totally makes sense. My favorite part, Ecclesiastes 5:2 “Don't make rash promises,
    and don't be hasty in bringing matters before
    God. After all, God is in heaven, and you are
    here on earth. So let your words be few.”

  10. Superb article! Spot on! Av been dating for 2yrs now and am set to marry the "right one" next year!

  11. Well said earnest,I believe you said it well at first that some people will be offended and indeed some were,not me,having dated both believers and non believers,I now know better(amos 3:3)about the one,I have never believed in the one,because if that was true then she would be married to someone else right now.I believe in the right one,the one is a journey and I believe those that can talk abt the one should be our parents or grand parents,that is if they made it together in the journey of marriage,I'm not married,bt I'm not looking for the one bt for the right one,I'm not looking for emotions and sparks but for commitment.God bless the work of your hands..you are a blessed man!!

  12. My first tyme reading your blog and its amazing….. you put tha truth in an awesome way…. and it encouragin since tha ultimate goal for everyone is happiness and we search for it in tha wrong way wen God has placed happiness in front of us.. as a christian i'm encouraged… thank u….

  13. This coming a week after I asked everyone and anyone in my life how to know 'the one'? You have spoken volumes into my life. Baraka tele. Your writing style is quite impressive!

  14. Earnestooo
    Dear bro. Indeed what you have written here is all true. Everytime i look at you I see how a true believers in God are just similar. Only different religions. The same message you have passed on this article is so Islamic you will be surprised. I kept on inserting the Quran verses that speak of who to marry and about marrying a believer…Islam supports it 100%. There is a verse that says its better to marry a slave who is a believer than to marry a non believer. Kudos brother. Am next in line. I am working out the last last bit of the process as I wait for my dad to come back to seal the deal for me. She is not the one….she is the right one!! For in faith we united!!

    Mohammed Ali.

    • Moha! My very good Muslim friend! Man I have missed you so much! Hoping to see you next week on the 15th at USIU. I am very impressed and intrigued that your faith teaches this as well. They are good principles to live by. Unity in faith and maturity with the person you marry does help profoundly. I remember your upcoming wedding. Hopefully, we will attend- if you invite us. may you marriage share the blessings proclaimed by Issa Al-Masi!

  15. ''We have idolized emotions over commitment…''
    That spoke to me! Everyone nowadays is watering down how serious life should be and the importance of following God's Word, so THANK YOU for going against the current once again Ernest! Don't stop!

    Secondly, the whole is issue of looking for 'the one' is mighty selfish, because marriage shouldn't just be for our benefit, but most importantly, the benefit of the Kingdom of God here on earth. When we lift God's name up in every area of our lives then He draws men to Himself and that's what our lives as Christians should be about.
    The ''right one'' that you have described and that the Bible prescribes for us is in every way prescribed for our own good and isn't it true that we attract who we are?
    So before we go out and ''shop'' we must repair and fix ourselves.

    Oh, here's a link to what you've said in this blog, just in different words: both very potent!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BERIOlDTk2M

    May God continue to bless you and Turi!

  16. Hi Ernest,
    thank you and may God bless you for this insightful piece. My girlfriend recently broke up with me and this left me confused for a while but your article has inspired me to continue on a better path

  17. I love this post and every other post, very meticulous. I always learn something out of every article, well researched content. God bless for your stellar work. Hope we may all yearn to better ourselves.

  18. Summed up to love is choice – there is no perfect knigt in shinning armour who knows ur every whim. In good &bad because even the husband /fiance/bf can have a bad day…. a problem at work.

    Also use"word of knowledge" .
    .. the word says "ur word is a lamp unto my feet,">word doesn't always mean bible it means God talks thru dreams, visions & the other gifts of the Holy ghost …."In that time young pple will dream dreams & see visions" ^isiah

    God is never silent.

  19. Men, to say am intrigued would be an understatement, keep the faith. I think I just found out what the place to read .
    God bless you sir and your family.

  20. Could this timeless advice be applicable with work/careers. Many articles have been written about passion and work. That you need to find that perfect job.

    I feel as though physical attraction (or in general..the outward person) is so important to me. If it isn’t, how can I shed the thought. I’m at crossroads where I know good ladies who can make great spouses in marriage by God’s definition but won’t commit to dating them as I still want scout for one with better outward appearances.

    • I think to some extend it can apply to work and career. We ought to find vocations within our fit as opposed to hoping there is only one job out there for us.

      Physical attraction is important and we should not downplay it. As long as we don’t worship it either, we are good to go.

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