Today’s blogpost is by a friend of mine called John Kigada. John Kigada is a Leadership Educator and Social Entrepreneur at the Cipher Taifa Foundation.  His scholarly and curricula interests include Christology, mate selection by males, music leadership, and biblical entrepreneurial leadership. He and I started the “Dating and Purpose” seminar this year and it was successful. John is a man with a lot of wisdom. Sitting with him always leaves me edified. This article outlines the sanctity of God’s gift of sex. Happy reading!


John and I at our recent “Dating and Purpose” seminar at All Saints Cathedral, Nairobi


Under the laws of several countries, there are severe penalties for sexual crimes. In the economy of God, the crimes have a higher standard. Jesus taught that a lustful look is in league with adultery. There is no penalty for such a lustful glance because this is a spiritual issue that can only be judged by a moral governor – God Almighty. Unlike the police and the court of law who are concerned with civil evil, God is also concerned with personal moral evil.  Is it wrong to have sexual pleasure outside a formal marital relationship?  To answer this question we must find out, what is God’s original intent for sexual intercourse?


God our Creator intended that an adult male should be united to an adult female in a consensual lifelong bond for friendship, purpose actualization, and procreation.  Intimacy is experienced in its highest form in this kind of relationship.  Sex is a climatic expression of the consummation of marital vows.  Therefore, those who experience sexual pleasure outside formal marriage enjoy the benefits of marriage illegally; their actions are an affront to God’s design.

God explicitly demands that sexual pleasure should only be experienced within a lifelong formal monogamous opposite sex marital relationship.  Ideally, modern biblical marriage is the legal, consensual union of a male and female, who both leave their parents publicly, and get united formally before two or more witnesses under God’s blessing, before becoming intimate sexually.  Therefore, sexual pleasure outside of marriage is illegitimate according to God, even if it is under consensual cohabitation (see Romans 13:13 KJV, “chambering” – means cohabitation by extension), and adultery is awarded as the only biblical reason to file for divorce (see Matthew 19:9).

It is easy to be unfaithful to a sexual partner when there’s no public and formal legally binding vow of lifelong monogamy.  Such open-ended relationships are vulnerable to contention leading to separation; there is no legal and social restraint to contain constant conflict.  God intends that sex should be honored by all and its sacredness (value, importance, and respect) upheld by all irrespective of their moral convictions.

Fornication and masturbation are all violations of God’s ideal standard of sexual conduct.  God designed sex.  He intended it to be the most exclusive intimate expression of love between a male and his female wife.  In the Bible book of Song of Songs, the ideals of sexual faithfulness to one’s marital partner and the joy of sexual expression in marriage are upheld.  God illustrates His love for Israel using an analogy of a monogamous sexual relationship between a husband and his wife.

Pornography and erotica distort reality perception by creating unfounded false notions in the consumer’s mind.  Exaggerated female form is common as many porn actresses undergo cosmetic surgery. Often, sexual information in porn is presented in ways that are destructive, e.g., female sexual response is misrepresented.  Therefore, the consumer might easily be misled to believe that women are objects of lustful pleasure who do not need sufficient preparation for the gift of sex from God.

Disinhibition, sexual lust, lasciviousness, licentiousness, promiscuousness, and lecherousness control the subconscious mind of those who have sexual addictions.  Comparison is a malignant foe to those who have two or more sexual partners.  After a while, flashbacks of previous sexual encounters may plague them when they least expect.

What should we do to correct the irreverence towards sex in our society today?  The answer is threefold: (1) Citizens of God’s kingdom should engage popular culture with biblical morals and values, (2) We should teach children to view sex as an opposite sex, adult marital affair, and (3) With regards to personal responsibility, we are to detest that which is unacceptable to God’s moral standards.  It is vain to adore, reverence, and devote our hearts to sex as an end in itself.  We are to develop sensitivity by yielding to the Holy Spirit so that we do not violate God’s principles of right living.

We are to honor God by means of desiring the right things in our hearts.  Decadence, profligacy, perversion, reveling, lewdness, vulgarity, and all other forms of immodest behavior displease God and have potent negative consequences.  We should develop sensitivity to the sexual vulnerabilities of the opposite sex around us.  We should determine to honor God by making a commitment to always confess recognized wrong against the spiritual brothers and sisters around us.

The Holy Spirit gives us grace to overcome condemnation by reminding us of the truth that when we repent, our relationship with God is always restored (see 2 Samuel 12:13).  When we collaborate with the Holy Spirit, we obtain victory over every biblically illegitimate sexual pleasure imaginable.  The depressing feeling that we cannot be forgiven by God is overcome when we understand the truth that the grace of God is renewed when we first confess our sin to God (for forgiveness) and secondly, to fellow believers (for emotional support).


Ernest is a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband, and a father. He has been married to Waturi since September 2012. They have three children- Thandiwe, Ivanna, and Theo. He is also the author of four books. The Wamboyes are passionate to see the Gospel of Jesus Christ clearly taught and understood in our post-modern world. They are champions of biblical discipleship and furthering the Kingdom of God by transforming one person at a time. They are the founders of The Relationship Centre Ltd (TRC), an organisation that aims to promote biblical family values in contemporary urban communities.

Discussion2 Comments

    • Hello Emmah. Well sexual sin must be dealt with in the following ways.
      1. Confess your sin – only when you confess and invite help from men and women of God do you weaken the sin. James 5:16 asks us to confess our sin to one another because the prayers of righteous people are powerful.
      2. Secondly, repent. We must return to God and seek his forgiveness by putting our hope in Jesus. If the person is not born again, they must get born again and receive the spirit of God. Apart from Jesus Christ, there is no forgiveness of sin.
      3. Thirdly, divorce the source of sin. Jesus said if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out. In short, for this case, delete every number and contact with the the partners. And avoid contact with them as you seek restoration.
      4. Fourthly, restore your spiritual strength. This is done by imbibing God’s word, committing to a sound fellowship where you can be vulnerable and safe and finally through prayer and fasting to break the chains of sin and the left over power of the evil one.

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