A believer can fail to mature in their walk with God because of an inability to say no to people and draw boundaries. When people benefit from your lack of boundaries, you inevitably get drained and you feel used. But when you finally muster up courage and draw the requisite boundaries, some of these people who were benefitting from your yes-man syndrome may accuse you of being selfish. This may stir you, instill fear in you and cause you to want to let them have their way.
If you do that, nothing changes. But if you want to grow, you have to be okay with the fact that they are upset with you saying no. People-pleasing is a cancer that wreaks havoc because we give people the position that only God should have. Think of your heart as having three levels of intimacy- present, prominent and pre-eminent. Present is the base level. Prominent is the inner level. Pre-eminent is the deepest and most intimate level. If any human being is at the pre-eminent level, you will fear disappointing them. You will live for their approval and you will die from their criticism. You have to reorder your heart.
Demote people and promote the LORD. If you do that, you will gain the fear of the LORD and lose the fear of people. And the way to do that is to learn to say no to anyone that has too high a status in your heart. Say no even while afraid, but keep saying it; eventually the carnal fear will go. It also means saying yes to the LORD’S call so that He gains promotion in your heart. Say yes to the LORD’S call even while afraid but keep saying it; eventually reverence for Him will prevail.
Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man is a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is set securely on high.” (NIV)
