Having an affair


Having an affair

You don’t need to live past a week in this world as a married man without being riddled with thoughts of illicit sex. It is in our movies, our newspapers, our grapevine, our offices, the Internet and in the lives of people we know. Husbands who fall into the trap of marital infidelity may have given in because of the thrill that adultery and affairs promise. But the thrill never lasts. History proves it. The husband who loves the LORD must count the cost whenever tempted. Ultimately, the long-term solution to living a pure life is to have a thriving walk with God through his Holy Spirit and to work on your marriage. You can’t do one without the other and expect to make it. However, to fan the flame, we must also count the cost. Jesus taught about counting the cost of following him (Luke 14:25-35). He spurred us to look towards the benefit of following him.  He also asked us to evaluate the cost of gaining the whole world and losing our souls (Mark 8:36). In this second instance, he spurred us to think if we were really gaining anything by giving in to sin. The husband who wants his marriage to thrive in the wake of many marriages failing must ask if that adultery is truly worth it. And he must not wait to do it in the heat of unzipping another woman’s dress. He must do it when he and that woman begin with seemingly innocent flirtations, unnecessary physical touches, inappropriate personal conversations and unwarranted time spent together. He must realise that chatting is just a few letters away from cheating. He must not wait for adultery to rear its ugly head. He must deal with it when its fin is simply peeking above the waters of lust. He must realise that adultery begins when we do anything with another woman, however small, that we would not do in the presence of our spouse. He must also be aware that the Bible itself affirms that adultery is enticing. Proverbs 5:3 “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smother than oil.” (NIV, 1984). But he must also realise that the same Bible tells us that adultery’s end is painful. Proverbs 5:4 “but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.” (NIV, 1984). As I meditated on Proverbs 5 in my quiet time today, the LORD challenged me to count the cost of sexual sin and list all the possible repercussions of giving in to another woman sexually. Here is the list I came up with. May it spur a husband out there to count the cost and come up with his own list.

If I commit adultery today, I risk the following:

  1. Disappointing the God of my salvation
  2. Spiritual disconnection from the Father (Isaiah 59:2)
  3. Crucifying the Son of God, Jesus, all over again and subjecting him to public shame (Hebrews 6:6)
  4. Grieving the Holy Spirit with whom I am sealed for the day of redemption (Ephesians 4:30)
  5. Hurting my wife
  6. Angering my wife
  7. Disappointing my wife
  8. Subjecting my wife to public shame
  9. Breaking trust with my wife
  10. Making my wife doubt my love for her
  11. Breaking intimacy in my marriage
  12. Divorce
  13. God refusing to hear my prayers (1 Peter 3:7)
  14. Destroying the image of Christ’s love for the church
  15. Destroying precious memories with present pain
  16. Destroying my wife’s faith in men
  17. Hurting the mother to my children
  18. Hurting my children
  19. Making my children hate marriage
  20. Destroying the image of godly husbands for my daughters
  21. Destroying the image of godly men for my sons
  22. Father wounds for my daughters
  23. Father wounds for my sons
  24. Enmity with my wife
  25. Enmity with my children
  26. No godly legacy for my family
  27. A haunted conscience
  28. The author of generational sins in my lineage
  29. Disrespecting my father-in-law
  30. Insulting my mother-in-law
  31. Aggravating my wife’s brothers
  32. Embittering my wife’s sister
  33. Shaming my own mother and father
  34. Shaming my sisters and brother
  35. Breaking ties between my in-laws and my own family
  36. Disappointing my friends
  37. Disappointing my wife’s friends
  38. Disappointing myself
  39. Angering my wife’s girlfriends
  40. Laughingstock of my enemies
  41. Destroying the ministry God has called me to (Boy Meets Girl, Powerhouse, Dating Clinic)
  42. Destroying God’s purpose for my life in my generation
  43. Destroying a good name that’s better than riches (Proverbs 22:1)
  44. Relating my name with adultery
  45. Invalidating the books I have written
  46. God raising a King David to replace me
  47. Lost moral authority in my generation
  48. Lost vision for my life
  49. Less noble use in ministry (2 Timothy 2:20-21)
  50. Setting a bad example to those that look up to me
  51. Producing bad spiritual fruit
  52. Discouraging those who see me as one of their heroes
  53. Disappointing my disciplers
  54. Disappointing my disciples
  55. Disappointing my mentors
  56. Disappointing my mentees
  57. Disappointing those I have led to Christ
  58. Regretting not listening to my teachers (Proverbs 5:12-13)
  59. Disappointing my spiritual authorities (Bishop, senior pastor, pastors from sister churches, church elders, church deacons)
  60. Shaming my local church
  61. Inducing unbelievers to blaspheme God’s name on my account (Romans 2:24)
  62. Inducing unbelievers to use me as an excuse to sin
  63. Hypocrisy
  64. Fulfilling the dark side of scripture’s prophecies (2 Timothy 3:6)
  65. Stumbling young believers in the faith
  66. Disappointing the cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1)
  67. God’s manifold wisdom ceasing to be seen by angels and demons (Ephesians 3:10)
  68. Derision from Satan
  69. Disappointing all the 1200-plus guests that came for our wedding
  70. Disease (HIV/AIDS and STIS)
  71. Unwanted baby
  72. Thoughts of abortion
  73. Abortion
  74. Child raised without a good father
  75. Making the adulteress a single mother
  76. Making the adulteress a cheating wife
  77. Making the adulteress a fornicating girl
  78. Breaking the adulteress’ marriage
  79. Destroying the adulteress’ future marriage
  80. Destroying the adulteress’ dignity
  81. Destroying the adulteress’ relationship with her children
  82. Dishonouring the adulteress’ femininity (1 Timothy 5:2b)
  83. Insulting the image of God in the adulteress I sinned with
  84. Insulting biblical manhood
  85. Insulting biblical womanhood
  86. Unwanted soul tie with the adulteress
  87. Lost opportunity to be wise (Proverbs 6:32)
  88. Physical beating from adulteress’ husband (Proverbs 6:33)
  89. Object of revenge from husband of adulteress (Proverbs 6:34)
  90. Enmity with husband of adulteress (Proverbs 6:35)
  91. Enmity with adulteress
  92. Enmity with adulteress’ friends and family
  93. Unwanted expenses
  94. Explaining to everyone what happened
  95. Lying about what happened
  96. Covering up my sin when asked what happened
  97. Self-pity
  98. Self-preservation
  99. Self-hate
  100. Worldly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:10, Hebrews 12:16-17)
  101. Envying the lives of righteous people
  102. Destroyed career
  103. Lost time building a home
  104. Lost money invested as a couple
  105. Social media scandal and shame
  106. Being regarded as an average man
  107. Living an average life
  108. Becoming a fool (Proverbs 5:23)
  109. Depression
  110. Example by others of bad behaviour
  111. Never again enjoying the gift of sex righteously
  112. Open door to sexual frustration
  113. Lost discretion
  114. Fall back to porn and masturbation
  115. More adultery
  116. Alcoholism/ substance abuse
  117. Demonic oppression (Matthew 24:28)

While I am aware that God’s grace redeems me and forgives me of my sin, I am also aware that God’s grace does not cancel out the consequences of my foolishness. God forgiving me does not mean I won’t face the consequences. The consequences still remain despite my salvation being secure and my sins forgiven. But I don’t want to abuse God’s grace in this lifetime. I don’t want to take his mercy for granted. I want to live my life here on earth because it affects my eternity and those I love. I also don’t want to be simply motivated by the fear of the consequences. Fear and pride burn out eventually. I want the Gospel of Christ to propel me to act in love. I want to remember the cost to save my soul from eternal damnation. I want to have a hunger for righteousness and a hatred for sin on that account. I want to fear God because it is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 1:7). The fear of consequences is not a deterrent to sin when the fear of God is out the window. May holy fear pervade my heart and may carnal fear be squashed in his holiness. May every husband that loves the LORD realise that adultery is just not worth it. What other repercussions can you add to the list as a husband/future husband?



Ernest is a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband, and a father. He has been married to Waturi since September 2012. They have three children- Thandiwe, Ivanna, and Theo. He is also the author of four books. The Wamboyes are passionate to see the Gospel of Jesus Christ clearly taught and understood in our post-modern world. They are champions of biblical discipleship and furthering the Kingdom of God by transforming one person at a time. They are the founders of The Relationship Centre Ltd (TRC), an organisation that aims to promote biblical family values in contemporary urban communities.

Discussion5 Comments

  1. wow i think i need to get in touch with you ASAP with assignments as a pastor i think i need this taught to the congregation not because i have cases on this line so that this information is drilled in our hearts to make informed decision. we also have a couples group about to make a trip, if only we can have you come in and speak to us about this things. Kindly let me know how i can get in touch.

  2. Thanks for this piece. Full of insight and wisdom. It really helps to break down and write the repercussions the old fashioned way. Looking forward to more posts.

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