Having an affair

Having an affair

You don’t need to live past a week in this world as a married man without being riddled with thoughts of illicit sex. It is in our movies, our newspapers, our grapevine, our offices, the Internet and in the lives of people we know. Husbands who fall into the trap of marital infidelity may have given in because of the thrill that adultery and affairs promise. But the thrill never lasts. History proves it. The husband who loves the LORD must count the cost whenever tempted. Ultimately, the long-term solution to living a pure life is to have a thriving walk with God through his Holy Spirit and to work on your marriage. You can’t do one without the other and expect to make it. However, to fan the flame, we must also count the cost. Jesus taught about counting the cost of following him (Luke 14:25-35). He spurred us to look towards the benefit of following him.  He also asked us to evaluate the cost of gaining the whole world and losing our souls (Mark 8:36). In this second instance, he spurred us to think if we were really gaining anything by giving in to sin. The husband who wants his marriage to thrive in the wake of many marriages failing must ask if that adultery is truly worth it. And he must not wait to do it in the heat of unzipping another woman’s dress. He must do it when he and that woman begin with seemingly innocent flirtations, unnecessary physical touches, inappropriate personal conversations and unwarranted time spent together. He must realise that chatting is just a few letters away from cheating. He must not wait for adultery to rear its ugly head. He must deal with it when its fin is simply peeking above the waters of lust. He must realise that adultery begins when we do anything with another woman, however small, that we would not do in the presence of our spouse. He must also be aware that the Bible itself affirms that adultery is enticing. Proverbs 5:3 “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smother than oil.” (NIV, 1984). But he must also realise that the same Bible tells us that adultery’s end is painful. Proverbs 5:4 “but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.” (NIV, 1984). As I meditated on Proverbs 5 in my quiet time today, the LORD challenged me to count the cost of sexual sin and list all the possible repercussions of giving in to another woman sexually. Here is the list I came up with. May it spur a husband out there to count the cost and come up with his own list.

If I commit adultery today, I risk the following:

1. Disappointing the God of my salvation
2. Spiritual disconnection from the Father (Isaiah 59:2)
3. Crucifying the Son of God, Jesus, all over again and subjecting him to public shame (Hebrews 6:6)
4. Grieving the Holy Spirit with whom I am sealed for the day of redemption (Ephesians 4:30)
5. Hurting my wife
6. Angering my wife
7. Disappointing my wife
8. Subjecting my wife to public shame
9. Breaking trust with my wife
10. Making my wife doubt my love for her
11. Breaking intimacy in my marriage
12. Divorce
13. God refusing to hear my prayers (1 Peter 3:7)
14. Destroying the image of Christ’s love for the church
15. Destroying precious memories with present pain
16. Destroying my wife’s faith in men
17. Hurting the mother to my children
18. Hurting my children
19. Making my children hate marriage
20. Destroying the image of godly husbands for my daughters
21. Destroying the image of godly men for my sons
22. Father wounds for my daughters
23. Father wounds for my sons
24. Enmity with my wife
25. Enmity with my children
26. No godly legacy for my family
27. A haunted conscience
28. The author of generational sins in my lineage
29. Disrespecting my father-in-law
30. Insulting my mother-in-law
31. Aggravating my wife’s brothers
32. Embittering my wife’s sister
33. Shaming my own mother and father
34. Shaming my sisters and brother
35. Breaking ties between my in-laws and my own family
36. Disappointing my friends
37. Disappointing my wife’s friends
38. Disappointing myself
39. Angering my wife’s girlfriends
40. Laughingstock of my enemies
41. Destroying the ministry God has called me to (Boy Meets Girl, Powerhouse, Dating Clinic)
42. Destroying God’s purpose for my life in my generation
43. Destroying a good name that’s better than riches (Proverbs 22:1)
44. Relating my name with adultery
45. Invalidating the books I have written
46. God raising a King David to replace me
47. Lost moral authority in my generation
48. Lost vision for my life
49. Less noble use in ministry (2 Timothy 2:20-21)
50. Setting a bad example to those that look up to me
51. Producing bad spiritual fruit
52. Discouraging those who see me as one of their heroes
53. Disappointing my disciplers
54. Disappointing my disciples
55. Disappointing my mentors
56. Disappointing my mentees
57. Disappointing those I have led to Christ
58. Regretting not listening to my teachers (Proverbs 5:12-13)
59. Disappointing my spiritual authorities (Bishop, senior pastor, pastors from sister churches, church elders, church deacons)
60. Shaming my local church
61. Inducing unbelievers to blaspheme God’s name on my account (Romans 2:24)
62. Inducing unbelievers to use me as an excuse to sin
63. Hypocrisy
64. Fulfilling the dark side of scripture’s prophecies (2 Timothy 3:6)
65. Stumbling young believers in the faith
66. Disappointing the cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1)
67. God’s manifold wisdom ceasing to be seen by angels and demons (Ephesians 3:10)
68. Derision from Satan
69. Disappointing all the 1200-plus guests that came for our wedding
70. Disease (HIV/AIDS and STIS)
71. Unwanted baby
72. Thoughts of abortion
73. Abortion
74. Child raised without a good father
75. Making the adulteress a single mother
76. Making the adulteress a cheating wife
77. Making the adulteress a fornicating girl
78. Breaking the adulteress’ marriage
79. Destroying the adulteress’ future marriage
80. Destroying the adulteress’ dignity
81. Destroying the adulteress’ relationship with her children
82. Dishonouring the adulteress’ femininity (1 Timothy 5:2b)
83. Insulting the image of God in the adulteress I sinned with
84. Insulting biblical manhood
85. Insulting biblical womanhood
86. Unwanted soul tie with the adulteress
87. Lost opportunity to be wise (Proverbs 6:32)
88. Physical beating from adulteress’ husband (Proverbs 6:33)
89. Object of revenge from husband of adulteress (Proverbs 6:34)
90. Enmity with husband of adulteress (Proverbs 6:35)
91. Enmity with adulteress
92. Enmity with adulteress’ friends and family
93. Unwanted expenses
94. Explaining to everyone what happened
95. Lying about what happened
96. Covering up my sin when asked what happened
97. Self-pity
98. Self-preservation
99. Self-hate
100. Worldly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:10, Hebrews 12:16-17)
101. Envying the lives of righteous people
102. Destroyed career
103. Lost time building a home
104. Lost money invested as a couple
105. Social media scandal and shame
106. Being regarded as an average man
107. Living an average life
108. Becoming a fool (Proverbs 5:23)
109. Depression
110. Example by others of bad behaviour
111. Never again enjoying the gift of sex righteously
112. Open door to sexual frustration
113. Lost discretion
114. Fall back to porn and masturbation
115. More adultery
116. Alcoholism/ substance abuse
117. Demonic oppression (Matthew 24:28)

While I am aware that God’s grace redeems me and forgives me of my sin, I am also aware that God’s grace does not cancel out the consequences of my foolishness. God forgiving me does not mean I won’t face the consequences. The consequences still remain despite my salvation being secure and my sins forgiven. But I don’t want to abuse God’s grace in this lifetime. I don’t want to take his mercy for granted. I want to live my life here on earth because it affects my eternity and those I love. I also don’t want to be simply motivated by the fear of the consequences. Fear and pride burn out eventually. I want the Gospel of Christ to propel me to act in love. I want to remember the cost to save my soul from eternal damnation. I want to have a hunger for righteousness and a hatred for sin on that account. I want to fear God because it is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 1:7). The fear of consequences is not a deterrent to sin when the fear of God is out the window. May holy fear pervade my heart and may carnal fear be squashed in his holiness. May every husband that loves the LORD realise that adultery is just not worth it. What other repercussions can you add to the list as a husband/future husband?

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