Today’s blog is a testimony by a married man who went through the recent cohort of Powerhouse. He will remain anonymous in this write-up. He asked me to publicly share a summary of his testimony so that many can hear and be free. May it encourage anyone out there that freedom is possible.
My battle and victory over sexual sin
Let me share my testimony because I have overcome! The Bible says: And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony. (Revelation 12:11)
I’ve been a believer for a long time. I was brought up in the church; my mother taught Sunday school and my father was an elder in the church. I served on the praise and worship team. I even shared my faith through my platform as an artist. I was a church kid, headed to heaven. But just as long as I was a believer, I had struggled with sexual sin. Lust, pornography, masturbation had me in a chokehold.
Introduction to porn
I was introduced to pornography through a video on a phone during a field trip back in high school. Everyone was passing around the phone with giggles and curiosity and I too wanted to satisfy my curiosity. That’s when I saw the video, and it was like a hit of hard drugs! From that day I would visit cyber cafes to watch pornography. I would then play out what I watched through masturbation. What began as a guilty pleasure and crazy high, only left me feeling hollow, disgusting and worthless inside. I tried to stop on my own, but it seemed impossible. It was as if a barbed wire was tied to my body and I could not break free. It was as if a heavy load was on my shoulders and it kept getting heavier. I was an addict.
Years passed and I met the love of my life. Surely now I will be free since I have someone to share intimacy with, right? Wrong! When I got married the sexual sins were not only affecting me but my wife as well. Our marriage was suffering because of lust and pornography. We could not go out without me turning my head to look at a woman in a skirt. If my wife was away and I was alone in the house, I was likely to watch pornography and masturbate. I was failing miserably at purity and as a husband! I knew I had to do something desperate to break free!
Pride is a killer
I had known about Powerhouse for a while. I even knew that I needed it. But how could I join? What would people think of me? What if they knew that I, msaani wa God (an artist/musician of God) was involved in sexual immorality? What would they say? What would it do for my reputation? That was my pride speaking. Pride would have me believe that I would rather I suffer and drown in the misery of sin rather than be exposed to be free. I was too proud to join. Too proud to seek help. My wife challenged me: When will you join Powerhouse?” I said I would join, but this was only lip service.
Conviction comes knocking
One evening, as I was praying with my wife, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin and my pride. I remember weeping and saying repeatedly: “I am a sinner, I am a sinner! Forgive me, Lord!” Finally, I could see myself as I really was: a sinner, full of pride. I thought my sins because they were in private were not as evil as those who sinned in public. I mean, I was not like these other sinners; I would never give a bribe. A lie would never leave my lips. I would always speak the truth. And so I thought I was a better Christian than others. But the Holy Spirit convicted me: “You are not better – you are prideful and self-righteous.” I realised that it was time to surrender FULLY to God.
I sent Ernest a message asking about Powerhouse and shortly after, I applied and joined. This was a God-sent intervention. The lessons pierced me with the truth week after week. I was challenged, not only to overcome lust and sexual sin but to conquer the battle against the Devil. It not only quickened me towards purity but called out the spiritual warrior in me. The brotherhood was full of vulnerability and accountability. Giving up media and movies in exchange for God’s word resuscitated my suffocating spirit. The lust began to weaken its hold, and my inner man began to find strength and power in Jesus.
A living testimony
The weeks I spent in Powerhouse transformed me from within, with the evidence being seen in my behaviour. Just before the final Powerhouse class, my wife said to me:
“You have really changed!”
“How so?” I replied
“You are not as sexual as you used to be. You are not as lustful as you were,” she responded
“It’s God at work in me,” I said
All glory to God for taking a prideful, pious, sinful wreck like me, and washing me in His precious blood. Thank God for transforming my mind from dirty lust-filled thoughts to pure thoughts. Glory to God!
Thank you, Ernest and Waturi for your ministry. I share my story now as an inspiration to others. I am free! You too can be free!