God doesn’t have favourites but he has intimates. I have seen this to be true in my life. After struggling to find the pencil that all along was on my ear for such a long time, I came to learn that every man who desires to live a life of fulfilment with a godly, loving, romantic and mature woman (the whole package) should have his ultimate pursuit on Christ and not on the woman.
Wise Solomon writes in Proverbs 18:22 that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour form the Lord.” (NKJV). It dawns on me the important use of the verb “find” in this promise. When reading it at face value, I took find to mean seek. How far from the truth I was. Find was find. When I accepted find to be find, I perceived that find is associated with discovering something in a common location with the “found item”. The finder and the found were in the same place for the action “find” to take place. The finder cannot find if the found is not in the same location.
It brings me to deduce that for both the finder (man) and the found (woman), for the establishment of a godly centred relationship that leads to marriage, the two must be in the same location. Question is, where is that location? Do I mean the same restaurant, diner or movie hall? Absolutely not. The location here is nothing created by human effort or pure coincidence. The location here is a place where both the found and finder have intentionally chosen to be. It is a place where Proverbs 18:22 can be actualized i.e. obtaining favour from the Lord. The only place we obtain favour from the Lord is in the presence of the Lord beloved because his word tells us.
Psalm 31:19 “How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you.”
You see the requirement and prerequisite of obtaining a good thing is being in the refuge of the Lord. If finding a wife is a good thing, then it means, I have to be in the refuge of the Lord. The refuge of the Lord is not a statement of an outside everyday place beloved. It is an intimate place. And those found there receive favour not based on favouritism but on intimacy. God does not have favourites (Romans 2:11), but he has intimates.
If the finder is in the presence of the Lord then the found will be found if she is in the same location. The presence of the Lord beloved is not a physical place you can catch a taxi to. The presence of the Lord resides in the hearts of men. It exists on the basis of a man or woman not just having a basic relationship with Jesus but a very intimate relationship with Him. God does not have favourites but he has intimates.
Once an intimate person resides in the place of God they will locate another intimate person, because the intimate circle of God is the one that’s closest to him. It makes sense that the deeper in the circle of God’s intimacy we go, the closer we will be with those in the same circle. If a man independently is intimate with Christ he will find a similar woman one day when he is busy just being intimate in God’s arena of love. He will find her and I assure you she is wife material. A wife is a relationship to last till death do you part. The things of God are made to last beloved. For that reason I compel that the relationships we form with the opposite sex should not be “just for fun.” They should one day mature from girlfriend and boyfriend. There’s nothing that’s just for fun in the economy and will of God. God is declaring here that when the finder finds the found it is a wife he has found i.e. it is a relationship that is in the marriage category. Marriage is a blessing and a favour from God. Proverbs 18:22 is actualized in this sense.
Our most passionate and most true pursuit should be an intimacy with God. When that is in place, the man will pursue the woman within the circle of intimacy. It is here that I strongly believe strong friendships are birthed. It is here I believe that courageous, considerate and romantic men are brought out. And when she pursues Godliness and the person of Jesus Christ daily, diligently and faithfully, she too falls in the circle of intimates. In this circle, humility to accept correction, brokenness, forgiveness when wronged and sacrificing love are cultivated.
Pursue God beloved. Pursue him to the ends of the earth. I have come to realize that there is nothing that’s as attractive as a lady whose heart is in God. And not just in God but diligently and deeply in Christ Jesus. So deep it is that if a man desires it, he has to be in the same place, in the same circle. He has to find it. Settling for one who is plainly just in God is equally as disastrous as one who is not in God in the first place. Ladies, keep it there, don’t remove it out of the intimate circle for a guy who is not willing to step into the circle. His words will fade as day changes to night. Guys, pursue the intimate circle. And when you get there, don’t be fooled by the outward physical appearance of girls whose hearts are not in the circle. And finally for both ladies and men, don’t fool yourself that you can bring somebody into the circle. The circle of intimacy is an individual, independent choice. To passionately pursue Jesus Christ is a diligent intentional effort. You may take him to church ladies; he will not get to the circle much less change. You may try taking her to your fellowship guys and she will just lead you astray in a matter of time. The circle has the most beautiful people. Stop worrying and focus on the one who bestows favour not on favourites but on intimates. Christ is present and prominent in many. But he is only pre-eminent in those intimate with him. Daily, diligently and faithfully pursue Him.