Of women and destiny

 gentleman-carThere is no traffic along the extra mile, a man full of wisdom did once say. No one who goes out of his way to please his woman faces resistance. Have you tried taking the extra mile in your relationship with the opposite sex? The result is a relationship worth more than gold, rubies and the Bill Gates Foundation savings account put together. I know it cause I’ve experienced it. I’ve seen it too in the lives of a couple of men. When the movie is over and everyone’s going home, delay your getting home to make sure she get’s to her bus stage safely. When there’s limited seats in the hall, join the other men and rush and scramble to get one so that you don’t have to stand. When the ladies remark, “Men are brutes,” be sure to be on your way back having fought for that seat and offer it to the favourable lady in the crowd. You can’t go wrong with denying yourself for the sake of your lady. The other men will be seated and you’ll be standing not only in the hall but in her heart as well. If you go the extra mile, you stand out. You’re a red M&M among all the green ones. Quite interesting that the Bible describes the exclusive relationship a man has with a woman to be similar to that of Jesus Christ and the Church. It doesn’t leave us hanging. It explains how that relationship is. It says “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” so should a man equate with his wife. (Ephesians 5:25- NIV)

It takes no rocket scientist to tell that Christ left a comfort zone to enter a very uncomfortable place. Heaven to earth. Streets of gold to roads of dust. Sounds of angels to cries of demons. For what? For you and I to experience a comfort we do not deserve. That explanation is called love dear gentleman. Do you see its magnitude? It goes beyond speaking it or whispering it in her ear to make her blush. What are you giving up as a man in your relationship with your lady exclusively for her benefit? We may give with strings attached i.e. It benefits us in the process. We may offer her the seat so that she may not get mad when we cancel the afternoon date to watch the football match. That’s conditional love. It’s not love actually. It’s selfish self-centeredness. It’s not as Christ would do. It cost Christ everything and he expected and received nothing from us. It’s called unconditional love. Yep, you’ve probably heard that too. It’s a love without conditions. “I love you because” and “I love you if” are conditional which never last the test of time cause “ifs” and “becauses” will always change. However, “I love you in spite” has the electric sparks and fireworks. It’s the love that goes beyond feelings and circumstances. That is the measure to love a woman. Why is it like that and not the other way round? Why shouldn’t it be women to give up their comfort for men? I don’t know but I do know one thing for sure. To love a woman like that gives a satisfaction beyond receiving anything from her. And besides, the love of a woman when reciprocated is so genuine and wholly from her heart that it overwhelms any man. That’s why
it hurts bad when a guy plays with a girl’s heart. She gives her whole only to discover he was fooling around. She desires a serious man. That’s a topic for another blog.

I want to believe that this generation has men who will not allow women to open car doors but do it for them and expect nothing in return. I want to believe that there are men who will give her the jacket when it’s cold even if they freeze for a few minutes without expecting a peck on the cheek for their chivalry. I want to believe that there are men who will go out of their way to save the day and not expect a lady’s body to quench their lust in return. There will be a generation of husbands and men in relationships passionate to love like Christ did. To show love through patience for the reward of their chivalry and to exercise love for the women they date by giving unconditionally. The unconditional love towards the ladies can be worked on with practice, however there’s a another love that the ladies will not see but will experience the benefits and effects years from now. They hardly know men exercise it or should exercise it. It’s the love for one’s destiny.


A man should embrace and love his destiny in the same way he loves a woman. Denying self. Those two words can really annoy you if you constantly read this blog. Deny self, deny self and deny self. It’s the only way to say it. Or we could alternatively say radically alter one’s wishes in replacement of the desires that will gratify one’s future and its entirety. No one will keep up with that. SO I will just say it again. DENY SELF. How do we deny self for our destiny? Deny self for our destiny in a few words could be this; don’t spend your life, invest it.

Are you investing your life as a man? I can tell you for sure that discussing Manchester-Chelsea for two hours on a lazy hot afternoon is not investing your life. It’s spending it. You may love the woman unconditionally but if you do not love your destiny unconditionally you fall in the league of the average male. You fail to stand out. You lose basically. Women can talk for an hour about their future marriages. In the process, a wise one among them will give her own experience and in that one hour, the band of ladies have learnt something that they could never read in any book. It’s amazing. When it’s a group of Christ-loving young women, it’s more than amazing, it’s attractive and very beautiful. It equips them for life and in turn they make deposits into their future marriages. They invest. Well, why won’t men do so too? In that same hour a band of men have sat down and argued over who has a bigger foot, Didier Drogba or Carlos Tevez. They’ve spent equally same time and they’ve remained the same. In a week, the lady gathers 7 hours of life changing knowledge while the man gathers 7 hours of confusion between which team he should support for the world cup. Invest in your destiny young man. Unashamedly seek young men who can sit for an hour and talk about how to be men that can make a difference in this life. Let’s talk about marriage! See all the women pull their seats closer while all the men seek the exit. Let’s talk about pursuing the heart of Jesus! See all the women pulling out their notebooks and pens to write every word uttered while see the men with folded arms who carried nothing to write on. Let’s go for a men’s workshop to learn about how to grow businesses! See the women who secretly tagged along to help in the cooking so they could be present while the men couldn’t make it cause they slept late finishing the last level of Halo on Playstation. There was a time when church services were very “femininized”. From the selection of songs to the conducting of service to the preaching of sermons. We are in a generation where all that has changed. There are Men Sundays, Men’s Camps and even overnight events for men. That excuse is nullified.

Men are not all talk and I understand. God fashioned us to have the capacity to be quiet for even a whole minute without thinking of anything. In that one minute the lady’s mind had gone to Timbuktu and back. That’s okay. We are different beings. But is our difference an excuse to lack the fervour and enthusiasm for our destiny let
alone act on it? This is not to suggest that a man cannot have leisure time either. I believe leisure time can positively impact your destiny too. On that hot weekend afternoon, open the hood of someone’s car and learn from the car expert among you what parts of the engine are there and what each does. The lady will not see that investment in your destiny. It’s done when she’s not around. But she will experience it the day you’re on a date and the car stalls. You will fix it as opposed to call the mechanic. Believe me she would go for a Mr. Fix it than a Mr. I-know-all-about-the-history-of-Alex-Ferguson. I have nothing against football by the way. I have always been a Gunner fan and a die hard supporter of Spain and Argentina in the world cup. However, Spain and Argentina won’t make me a better dad years from now. I will talk about football when the time fits but it cannot take my entire day only to arrive to the conclusion that Messi is actually shorter than Diego Maradona.

When I got engaged to my fiancée, one marriage counsellor told me “This is where men go wrong. You love the lady unconditionally and you put the ring on her finger but you sacrifice your destiny.”

“How?” I asked.

“Women get to this stage and will read as many books as they can on relationships. Men will do nothing. Women will find older married women and gain as much help as they can. Men will have too much ego to ask for help. Women will take time to plan when they want kids. Men will run away from the talk. The result is many prepared ladies and equally many unprepared passionate men who love their women but withno destiny for their relationships. They invested nothing in the courting period.”

Invest in your destiny. Don’t confuse between being busy and investing. You may be a busybody seven
days a week but are really investing nothing. Evaluate your day hourly. Is it down the drain of history or into the skies of the future? Don’t just spend your time, invest it. I always say, the men you see in movies and sitcoms eating pizza all day and drinking Pepsi are actually at work. That’s their job and they are getting paid for it! Now, you on the other hand doing the same (and probably watching them) are receiving no salary for it neither are you investing in your future. They have wives and children and their acting has their future well invested in. The syndrome of “he loves Jesus” but he isn’t ambitious about life and his future is a real drag. God will not bless your hands. He will bless the work of your hands. Your destiny is in your hands.

In conclusion, be the man for your woman, who like Christ Jesus loved unconditionally. Also, be the man, like Christ as well, who in three years alone altered the world completely from his investment in people and time.



Ernest is a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband, and a father. He has been married to Waturi since September 2012. They have three children- Thandiwe, Ivanna, and Theo. He is also the author of four books. The Wamboyes are passionate to see the Gospel of Jesus Christ clearly taught and understood in our post-modern world. They are champions of biblical discipleship and furthering the Kingdom of God by transforming one person at a time. They are the founders of The Relationship Centre Ltd (TRC), an organisation that aims to promote biblical family values in contemporary urban communities.

Discussion27 Comments

  1. Well, I'm a woman but I read it anyway and now I'm close to tears. No, not close to tears; I've just had to wipe my eyes. There is so much truth in this. When a man goes the extra mile, or even an extra foot, the lady will respond a hundredfold (assuming she's not too damaged by then.) I was married to an abusive addict for 19 years. When I finally told him he had to move out until he "got better," he filed for divorce instead. I was still hoping for a good marriage. After the divorce was final, he disappeared for six years. Now he has stage 4 cancer and only one of his children is old enough to remember him and want to rebuild something. Such a tragic waste. It could have been so different. None of us ever asked for anything other than love. I hope you reach a lot of men with messages like this. The outlook for families is very dire. It is up to men to change it.

  2. You know what…I've spent over two hours? What? Three? Oh, three hours reading some of the posts you make and I have an exam in a little less than 17 hours. Am I fretting? Nope. You know why? I'll tell you why. Reading these posts have been the best investment I've made in quite a while…especially this one 😀

  3. Well, I guess am that woman that tags along secretly? This is awesome. Thank God for facebook, we can share and tag the men so they can get investing right away. Thanks for allowing God to use you for such a divine purpose. You are blessed!

    • You're welcome CJay! I have been praying for you by the way. I'm not sure who you are but you asked me too and I am. Yes please do use it as a guide because it is based on the Bible 🙂 The Printers are sending in the Book tomorrow. I'm liaising with book stores. Sorry for the long wait

  4. Nice! I'm a girl & I read it too 🙂 And I am emboldened to refer all my male friends to read this, because I believe it to be true. Love your wife as Christ loved the Church… she'll know when you don't, because she knows well the love of Christ.

    Bless you!

  5. I really agree,its like you were reading my mind only that you have put it in a more politer way than I would,lol!pliz share this with as many men as possible they need to know this

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