When you want to give up on men and relationships

There are many broken-hearted Christ-led women out there, hungry and passionate for the things of God. The number is amazing! The current quandary in our society of men who have not stepped up to maturity is no news. I write this not as one who is the epitome of maturity, but as one who desires to be so realizing there’s still much to learn. I desire that my family may gain spiritual direction from me. I desire that my wife may find genuine pragmatic love from her husband. I desire that I may love as Christ loves the Church. I desire that I may be a hero to my children. I desire to be an example of GOD to my wife, my kids and to my society for the sake of Jesus Christ being known. And that the hurting and unloved who want to give up on such beautiful “fantasies” may rekindle hope. In this light, I write this blog post to the same audience of “An Apology to women”. If you haven’t read it, you can find it here. These are particularly women who have given their all to follow Christ but see no hope of a life-time with a man equally passionate.

This is the lady who says in her head, “Maybe I’m asking for too much. My clock is ticking. I will just settle for the next man. He may not be Christ-like but he’s a good guy and it is better than being alone.” She’s given her life to keeping her sexuality pure. She’s served the Lord but Mr. Right is eons away (or so she feels). If you fall in that category, you may want to consider a few things.

Is Christ enough?

The world says 99.99% is everything. God says it isn’t. He demands 100% for the blessing transaction to go through. Of course it’s not a deal or die. We don’t give our all to God in order to be blessed. We give our all because Christ gave it all. If you’re giving your all to get a husband, your priorities may be wrong and you may fall in the 99.99%. What are your motives? Are you worshipping God because he is useful (to bring you a man) or because He is beautiful (he gave you the man-Jesus)? He requires 100%. The difference between the 99.99% lady and the 100% lady could be gallons of joy and satisfaction that only the latter will experience. The 100% means you are devoted to Christ whether or not you find a Christ-like man to date and marry or not. Here is a litmus test to see if you fall in the 99.99% or in the 100%. If you didn’t get married after all your planning or if you died unmarried, would your devotion to God increase or decrease? I have a friend who swore the last thing she would do before she died was to marry. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. God took her to heaven before she could. However, on that death-bed in hospital as she lay, the joy I saw in her eyes communicated volumes. They said “I know I may die because of this hepatitis but it’s okay. Even if I don’t get married, I have run the race for Christ Jesus and that’s enough.” Could those be your words too? Is Christ enough? The moment you understand that Jesus is enough and accept it, the easier it will be on any relationship you get into because you will realize that your Prince Charming isn’t enough and guess what… that’s okay. Bringing me to my second point.

Prince Charming aint so charming

You probably wanna give in to the average guy because every saved guy who goes to your church that you dated broke your heart or tried to sleep with you. You were shocked at this and vowed to never date church guys or wait for the so called genuine ones. Well, time to wake up Sleeping Beauty! If Prince Charming is not Charming, it’s not news. There’s no such thing as the good old days. The only good old days were before the fall of man. Even Adam proved to be no Prince Charming when he ate that fruit.

A friend of mine got shocked that he went into a hospital and left with a flu. He said, “How can I get sick in a hospital?” And the obvious answer to that is, “Duh! There are sick people in the hospital! You probably caught it off one of them!” The Church is a hospital for spiritual sickness. So the shock about “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe he’s a Christian and he did that!” really doesn’t count. Guess what? He’s a patient! Of course he did it! If he didn’t he wouldn’t be in hospital. He’s sick just like you are. So if you got a flu from him, don’t be shocked, just keep your distance. Christ is working in all of us. This isn’t to justify all the bad things Christian men do. It is to let you beloved lady see that Men are not from Mars so don’t place Stepford Wives standards for him. But if you allow Christ to lead you, you will see the positive difference in settling for Christlike. Only Christ is enough, remember?

This isn’t to advocate hypocrisy either. Ladies, hypocrisy is when the guy with a flu puts on a cast on his arm to pretend he has a broken arm when he really has a contagious flu. Genuine Christianity is when the man who has a flu admits he has a flu and cannot be around you because he loves you too much to see you catch the flu. So he works on himself to get better. And once he gets better, ONLY the doctor (Christ Jesus) can allow you two to be together. A Christ-led man is not immune to sin. He’s only saved from it. He may lose his cool and says things he shouldn’t have said (but he sees the doctor about it), he may do something mean (but he sees the doctor about it), he may even be tempted to sleep with you or flirt with you sinfully (but he sees the doctor about it to get treatment). And I assure you, every man in sin who sees the doctor never leaves sick. Because Jesus is the healer. That’s why we recommend that your Prince Charming be one who sees the doctor (Jesus) on a daily basis. Only then will all his diseases (sin) be kept at bay and then will he love you as Christ loved the Church. The moment Prince Charming stops seeing the doctor daily and limits it to Sunday morning, you should worry.

Remember, if Prince Charming was perfect, he wouldn’t need a Church now would he? But he is humble enough to admit that he is a sinner and that he needs the doctor (Christ Jesus) to heal his sicknesses. There are no perfect churches. If you find the perfect church, don’t join it…you’ll ruin it. Which brings me to my third pointer.

The log in your eye

You are desperately searching for the few good men out there but you can’t seem to find them. You don’t even need a handful, you just need one. Only one who can love you as Christ loved the Church. But he’s not there! So you’re about to settle for less. You even stopped believing that good men exist. You read them, in poems and believe that that is as real as they get. Christ Jesus is PRESENT in ALL believers. He is PROMINENT in SOME believers but He is only PRE-EMINENT in FEW. If you discern correctly, you won’t need a guide to understand that of the three, pre-eminent is definitely the group to be in! Jesus fits in the this group like a glove. At this point you may be thinking! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! Always with the Jesus! Is there no other reference? The answer is no. He is the way, the truth and the life. Apart from Him we can do nothing. If that irritates you, I can assure you pre-eminent is not where you are with God and guess what? The good guys you are about to give up on are all filled in the pre-eminent circle. For Christ to be pre-eminent in your life as a lady, you must come to the realization that this circle is not for lofty people but for humble ones. This isn’t a “special people” group who have made it. This group is not for God’s favourites but for his intimates. It means it may consist of the worst people in this world but they have fallen at the foot of the cross to ask for ALL forgiveness and to devote fully to God. They not only desire to be that but they practice it. The difference between the first two groups and them is in their devotion. Stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this. You’ve said all along that men were the problem but take a moment. Reflect. Is there a log in your eye? Are there so many sicknesses in your life that the doctor needs to treat but you’re all too busy pointing out how sick everyone else is? Is Christ pre-eminent in you?


You can’t give up on men you’re not likely to catch. There wasn’t even a chance to get them. And it swings both ways. We men too can’t give up on Godly ladies we had no chances of attracting. We have a lot of repairs. So now that it’s a ladies blog post, let’s focus on the godly that men you desire. You can’t give up on mining gold when your land contains none of it. And if you allow Jesus (there it is again) to heal your pride, you will find that it may only require a few digs in the right land and you are there. Or maybe you’ve dug all your life in the right land but are getting weary because the Godly men are still not there. If you sulk and refuse to continue, you may be shocked the day you discover that when you settled for less, you were one dig away from the gold. Don’t let your pride stop you.

The Self-Pity

Christ came that you may have life and of it in abundance. I have no other encouragement for you if you’re here. If I do, I will only fuel your self-pity. Find encouragement in the Word of God. If the Word can’t encourage you, no man will. You’re wasting time feeling sorry for yourself. Christ heals broken hearts. Some may think that they are the fist to have a broken heart. Always remember that before any man broke your heart, you broke God’s first and he forgave you. Be Christlike and move from wallowing in self pity.

Don’t settle for less

As I conclude, the Word places several reasons on being in a relationship with believers. Marriage which is the ultimate relationship, is a reflection of Christ and the Church. It points to a picture of eternal life. That’s one powerful way that the world will know Christ’s love and find true satisfaction. If Christ is reflected in our man-woman relationships, then God’s love will be mirrored in the world. So hold on. Don’t settle for less. For the sake of the gospel, trust that God said and he has to fulfill his word. Do it for the gospel. Wait patiently. And do it for yourself too pretty lady. I have found great satisfaction in dating and courting a Christlike believer. That’s a whole blog in itself. The joy is unfathomable! I pray that as I place a ring on her finger in a few weeks, that the world may see a reflection of Christ and the Church not only on that day but in the marriage days that follow. Not because I am perfect but because I allowed Christ and he’s doing a great job of moulding me from the mess that I am to be someone better. If Christ can use me, I always say, he can use anyone! His patience with me is remarkable! And secondly, it’s not because she’s perfect, but because she tarried in the place of God and the Lord answered her heart’s desire. So I urge you dear daughters of Eve, do not settle for less. Wait for him. But ultimately, wait for Him. Be still and know that He is God.

Psalm 46:10a “Be still and know that I am God.”



Ernest is a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband, and a father. He has been married to Waturi since September 2012. They have three children- Thandiwe, Ivanna, and Theo. He is also the author of four books. The Wamboyes are passionate to see the Gospel of Jesus Christ clearly taught and understood in our post-modern world. They are champions of biblical discipleship and furthering the Kingdom of God by transforming one person at a time. They are the founders of The Relationship Centre Ltd (TRC), an organisation that aims to promote biblical family values in contemporary urban communities.

Discussion20 Comments

  1. "I desire that my family may gain spiritual direction from me. I desire that my wife may find genuine pragmatic love from her husband. I desire that I may love as Christ loves the Church. I desire that I may be a hero to my children. I desire to be an example of GOD to my wife, my kids and to my society for the sake of Jesus Christ being known"

    Profound. May God grant your heart's desire- you and other men like you. I am blest. Keep writing…

  2. hey nyc piece iv seen ur blog b4 bt im nt keen on blogs bt cal sent me the link…so much writin aaarrrggg bt insightful words…..keep up the good work and all the best in weddin plans

  3. Amen!!!

    2 Corinthians 7:8-10; 8 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

Leave A Reply